With You, Without You

September 2025

When Aeris reached out, she'd wanted to reach Tifa, too. As eager as she was to put her duty behind her, her time in the Temple had also awakened her to avenues she hadn't even known existed. She stepped into Cloud's dreaming mind with an unexpected ease, and there he was. All along, she'd had this at her fingertips.

But Tifa, whenever she tried, was awake. Knowing her, probably worried sick. Aeris hated to do it, but it was just for a little while. It would all be over soon, and then Aeris could tell her everything.

Somewhere beyond the Sleeping Forest lay the Forgotten Capital of the Cetra. Aeris had never seen it, never been told anything more about it than that it existed, and didn't yet know exactly what she was meant to do once she reached it.

It had always been like that. Stumbling around in the dark because it was only after her mother's death that she'd been able to break through the noise of Midgar and hear anything. Her only guidance as she came into herself were voices who struggled to remember what it felt like to reach into the Lifestream from outside of it. All her successes came after days and months of frustration, and it never seemed worth it, because she could never share it with anyone.

She'd gone for long stretches growing up just trying to ignore all of it. Why bother to reach for it at all? Except that it was always there, calling her.

That call was stronger now than it had ever been, and for once she believed in the promised reward. This time, afterwards, everything would be better. Succeeding here would mean something to the whole world, and more importantly to her friends, and even more importantly, they'd understand what it meant.

Tifa would understand.

So when the emptiness of the Forgotten Capital opened up in front of her, she drew a deep breath and let her convictions banish the loneliness. So what if it there was only her? So what? Maybe her heritage connected her to a long line of the dead, but she wasn't doing this for them and she wasn't a part of that yet.

Okay, so maybe she couldn't banish the loneliness entirely. Her footsteps echoed as she descended the steps to the altar, and part of her wished there were more than echoes. Her friends coming down with her, surrounding her as they had at the Temple.

But this wasn't like the Temple. It wasn't a challenge or a puzzle to be solved. All it could be was her own voice, stumbling through the dark, and they couldn't help with that. She only wanted them to see it once it was done.

The stone was cold and hard beneath her as she knelt. No one had ever taught her how to do this; for all that it was a Cetra's duty, none of them had ever done it either. Their voices pressed against her from the other side with whispered guidance, all of it half-remembered and hypothetical. This was how it should work, how Holy was meant to be called.

Aeris clasped her hands together, closed her eyes, and gave herself over to listening. In Midgar it had been like trying to see through mud, but since leaving, everything had grown clearer and clearer. In this place, she felt she could at last see straight to the bottom she'd always known was there.

She let herself sink into it.

Her ancestors guided her down, her mother among them, but Aeris brought with her something they didn't have: life. That was what all of this was for. So the Planet could live, so everything on it could live, so her friends could live.

So she could live.

If that last hope was a selfish one, she didn't care. The Cetra around her had lost so much, they couldn't imagine a future, but Aeris had always looked forward. She put all of that longing into her prayer, a fervent wish she shared with the Planet.

And something answered her.

As she swam back to the surface, she became aware of another presence in the realm of the living. She opened her eyes to find Cloud standing in front of her, and she smiled.

There was something dazed in his expression. His eyes tracked upwards with a slow-moving horror.

Aeris's thoughts couldn't move any faster. But someone else did.

She saw Tifa shove her way past Cloud, felt the impact of Tifa's body an instant later.

Everything was a cacophony on her senses. Her shoulder hit the stone beneath her, metal clanged, familiar shouts rang out into air that for centuries had only known silence.

"Tifa!" Cloud cried.

He pulled Tifa's warm body off of her and rolled her onto her back. As Aeris pushed herself up, her eyes widened at the red stain blooming across Tifa's chest. She didn't respond to Cloud. Above the three of them stood Sephiroth, bloodied sword in hand.

No!

No, this hadn't been meant for her friends. Aeris had come alone so that facing him was a risk they wouldn't have to take anymore. She was going to fix everything for all of them.

She didn't hear the words Cloud exchanged with Sephiroth, but when another incarnation of Jenova appeared in Sephiroth's wake, Cloud pushed Tifa into her arms. "Please," he said as the others rushed up the steps to join him in battle.

Aeris huddled at the edge of the platform with Tifa in her lap and pressed her hands to the wound, but she realized the bleeding had already slowed. She reached clumsily for her magic, but beyond the certainty of Holy's answer, she felt spent and hollow, a conduit through which nothing more would flow.

Tifa's heartbeat failed, and in this place, Aeris felt with a painful clarity the moment her soul slipped out of her.

"No," she sobbed, leaning over the body, cradling Tifa closer. "Come on, Tifa, stay with me. Just stay."

There was an answer to that, too, but not the one she wanted.

The next hour was a hazy blur. After the battle was done, all eyes fell on her with a quiet solemnity. Someone, she thought it was Barret, gently pried Tifa's body out of her grasp. She followed the others back up from the altar, eyes fixed on their booted feet on the steps, and when they reached the lake, Vincent guided her to its edge and helped her wash the blood from her hands. Cid coaxed her into taking his jacket, which hid most of the bloodstains on her dress once he'd buttoned it for her. Nanaki settled at her side where she could feel the warmth of his fur.

They were all being so kind to her, and it was her fault Tifa was dead.

You're alive. Tifa's voice, from the other side. She sounded so relieved that Aeris almost started sobbing all over again. She wanted to scream at her that she wasn't! They were both supposed to be alive, to experience the same world together!

Can you hear me? Tifa asked her.

Yeah, Aeris answered at last, pushing her face deep into her arms. I hear you.

Is everyone okay? It's hard to make things out.

Aeris swallowed. Everyone but you.

A long pause followed. Aeris didn't know it first-hand, but death was disorienting. Humans who'd never known the voices of the Lifestream found it hard to hold onto themselves when plunged into it unprepared. Memories sloughed away right from the start, including the memory of what had just happened to them. Being a part of the Lifestream wasn't an unnatural state, so they'd forget they weren't used to being without a body.

The silence stretched, and Aeris started to panic. Souls could fade back into the Planet so swiftly.

Tifa?

I'm here, came the ready answer. Wherever here is. Is this...... the Lifestream?

Yeah. I'm sorry. It's all my fault, I...

Stop that. Despite everything, Tifa's voice was firm. Blame Sephiroth. But I wanted you to live, and you're alive, okay? I... I want you to keep doing that.

Aeris nodded mutely. Ahead of her, Cloud was carrying Tifa's body out into the deepest part of the lake. The others watched silently from the shore. None of them could hear her voice. She'd never be among them again.

"I wanted to live with you," Aeris whispered.

Beside her, Nanaki said nothing, but leaned his head into her shoulder.

It was still dark overhead as they wound their way along the City's strange paths to the shell house where her friends had left their packs. Someone, researchers maybe, had renovated this one, stretching canvas over gaps in the roof and installing wood floors. Modern beds sat in a snug row along one wall, while a framed photograph of smiling strangers decorated another. Aeris was too numb to know how she felt about the incursion.

She sat on one of the beds as Cloud finally broached the subject to ask her: what had she been doing here?

The hope and steady conviction with which she'd come had left her, and Aeris explained to them the White Materia and Holy as succinctly as she could.

"Does that mean... we're saved?" Yuffie wondered. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and her voice sounded small in a way she'd never usually allow.

Cloud shook his head slowly. "We're not done," he said. "Sephiroth knew... what Aeris was trying to do. And he's still going on with his plan."

"Then we ain't gonna let 'im finish it," Barret said gruffly. He hadn't cried, but struggling to hold it in and be strong for them had made his voice hoarse.

Aeris didn't know what to offer them. She'd been so sure Holy would solve everything, but Cloud had a point. Was Sephiroth so strong that even Holy couldn't stop him? Or was he just that arrogant?

She didn't know.

"There are a few hours left until dawn," Nanaki said into the quiet. "We should rest a while longer before we move on."

"I'll keep watch," Cait Sith offered, preempting any protest from Cloud. There were murmurs of agreement, and they all settled.

Aeris lay on her back, staring up at the curving shell of the ceiling. With the lights extinguished, she could barely make it out. Had any of her ancestors ever slept in this building? Or was it meant for something else? Had it only ever known the dreams of the researchers who'd made a shelter of it?

She didn't think hers would join them. She didn't think she could sleep.

What is this place? came Tifa's voice. I thought the elders said the Ancients were nomads.

I don't know, Aeris admitted. That had been the most frustrating thing about Cosmo Canyon. The elders had had so many theories about what the Cetra might have been like, and Aeris couldn't confirm or deny any of it. She didn't know whether the Cetra had been nomads, or if they'd invented materia, or how large a role the Promised Land might have played in their spirituality. She only knew none of it was her.

...my mother told me this was a city of the dead, she went on. It was built to amplify their voices, so people could come here to consult their ancestors when they needed to make a big decision, or...

...or to do something powerful, Tifa finished. I think I can feel it.

You can...?

It's like... It's like I know there's a light, somewhere deep down. Tifa paused. Unless that's the light.

The light? Aeris repeated.

You know. The one people say you go into when you die?

Oh... Aeris didn't know the answer to that either.

Um. I'll just keep my distance, Tifa said. But it feels... comforting. Knowing it's there.

Aeris wondered if she was being selfish, holding onto Tifa's voice. She was meant to return to the Planet's embrace. She'd be at peace there, and Tifa of all people deserved peace. She deserved life even more, but that wasn't something Aeris could give her.

If this place amplifies voices, Tifa said, will you still be able to hear me, once you leave?

I'll hear you, Aeris said. Because you're important to me...... Those are always the voices that are clearest.

But gods, that didn't mean she could express her feelings any more clearly. How many times on their journey had she watched Tifa's face as they chatted, asking herself if it was the right moment? She'd told herself it wasn't nerves, she just wanted it to be perfect, to sweep Tifa off her feet as effortlessly as if they were in one of those old black-and-white movies they played in the Sector 5 square on Saturday nights. She'd spent so long waiting for a sign that Tifa would laugh in breathless delight when she kissed her, and now she'd never know.

You should get some rest, Tifa told her. I'll be right here.

Rest only came light and fitful. Aeris spent the next few hours roving the boundary of consciousness, the voices of the City with her whether she slept or woke so that she could scarcely tell the difference. Tired though she was, she was relieved when daylight came to put an end to it.

Her friends had been more practical than her on their journey north. Thinking only of speed, she'd eaten through her provisions and arrived in the City with the same gear that had served her in the warmer southern climes. The others had stocked up and bought heavier clothes.

It was Yuffie who hesitantly presented her with a long wool coat in dusky pink, saying, "Tifa thought you'd like it" with none of the mockery she might have otherwise given such a girly style.

"I do," Aeris answered in kind. "Thanks."

She turned away as she shrugged into it, tears threatening at the simple knowledge that Tifa had planned for their reunion. Tifa never shared far-flung imaginings, but looked so practically at what they knew lay ahead, facing the future by placing one foot in front of the other.

In her grief, that was what Aeris found herself falling back on now. That imagined future together was gone, but she followed Cloud and the others north out of the City, one foot in front of the other.

It was a tough climb out of the valley and through the mountain caves beyond. Tifa had always been their strongest climber next to Yuffie, but while Yuffie would race ahead to lord it over the rest of them, Tifa would hang back to make sure everyone made it up safely.

Now, Aeris lagged below the others, struggling to find the right footholds. She hauled herself up by inches until a red cape came into view, and she realized Vincent had paused to wait for her. He helped her the rest of the way, steady but silent, offering none of Tifa's words of encouragement.

They rested at the top, nothing passing between them but their labored breathing. No one met anyone else's gaze. They'd left Tifa behind far, far below them, and that was how it would always be from here on out.

Aeris could have told them that Tifa's presence wasn't gone entirely. Her spirit was still with them. But she'd learned a long time ago that people didn't really find much comfort in that when they couldn't sense it for themselves. They could never quite make themselves believe it, and the relayed words came out of her like hollow platitudes no different from anyone else's. She'll always be with you in your heart or Your love for her will keep her alive.

It wouldn't. It hadn't.

They stepped out from beneath the mountains, and a foreign landscape unfurled in front of her, blanketed in white. Aeris stared, and for an instant, it was awe that stole her breath from her.

Is this you first time seeing snow? Tifa wondered.

Aeris nodded mutely.

I'm glad you get to see it.

It was beautiful but, she soon found, hard to walk through. Nanaki had the least trouble with it, bounding ahead to scout out the best path. Behind, Barret plowed his way through by brute effort. Aeris stumbled in a deep drift, and Cloud caught her.

"Try walking in my footprints," he suggested, the first thing he'd really said to her since asking about Holy. "It'll make it a little easier."

Aeris nodded, but she stared after him for a long moment as he went ahead. Like her, she was sure he didn't only blame Sephiroth, because like her, he'd been right there when it happened. She wasn't sure that was something they could ever say to each other.

It's okay, you know, Tifa said as she slowly began picking her way along in Cloud's wake.

What?

You and Cloud, she clarified. He and I were never going to be anything. I'm not sure how long I have like this, but I didn't want you to feel like... I don't know. Like you were taking my place, or something.

Aeris bit back a laugh. Cid, walking a little ways to her right, threw her a funny look.

What? Tifa asked.

You thought... that was about Cloud?

I don't understand.

I was trying to see if you got jealous, Aeris told her.

Right...? said Tifa, uncomprehending.

...of Cloud.

.........oh.

Aeris lifted her head enough to bring Cloud into view. Sword strapped to his back, blond hair for once hidden by his hood, walking with determination. He's sweet, she admitted. I think, in another life, I could've fallen for him. But Tifa... You were right there.

...I had no idea.

I know. I should have said something.

......me, too, came Tifa's quiet confession into her mind.

Aeris's breath caught. This time, she choked down a sob, and Cid pretended not to notice.

 

---

 

When night fell, they made camp in the lee of a low hill, sheltering huddled inside tents and sleeping bags. After the day's trek, Aeris found sleep quickly despite everything sitting heavy on her heart.

She slept, and she dreamt.

The snowfields stretched out before her, practically glowing in the starlight. There were more stars overhead than she ever could have counted, and another time, she might have let herself fall back into the blanket of white to try anyway, but she wasn't alone.

Tifa stood in the snow, head tilted back to look at the sky. She wasn't wearing any of her winter gear, and the light fell across her bare arms in a gentle caress. The cold hadn't followed them into the dream, and as Aeris took first one step and then another towards her, the snow didn't crunch under her feet but gave like cotton.

"Is this real?" Tifa asked as Aeris came up beside her. Her gaze was fixed on the sky, its light filling her eyes.

"It's a dream," Aeris answered, "but you're not dreaming me, and I'm not dreaming you."

Tifa glanced at her. "I guess that's real enough."

"...how did you find your way here?" Aeris wondered.

"I'm just... sticking close to you," Tifa said. She turned. Her hands found Aeris's, a light and cautious touch at first. Aeris swallowed. Tifa's spirit had forgotten the callouses on her fingers and the warmth beneath her skin. Her hands still looked like Tifa's, and they felt solid enough, but it was only a matter of time.

"I shouldn't trap you like this," she said.

But Tifa shook her head, her grip firming. "I want to stick around a while," she said. "Until you make it to that future you're always talking about."

"...I wanted you to be a part of it."

Tifa shut her eyes. Her chest rose and fell with several slow breaths she could only take because this was a dream. "I would've liked that," she said at last. "You always made me feel like there was something to look forward to." She opened her eyes to meet Aeris's. "But, I'm not going to be the thing that holds you back."

Aeris wanted to say a million things at once. To tell Tifa she wasn't someone you just got over, that she'd love her until the day she died, that there would never be anyone else like her. She conjured an image of herself as some tragic old spinster who'd never loved again-- and she knew it was neither honest to herself nor any way to honor Tifa's memory.

"But, not yet," she whispered instead. She didn't have to let go of Tifa yet.

"Not yet," Tifa agreed.

Aeris leaned against her, and she felt Tifa's strong arms wrap around her. The light touch of a kiss on the top of her head. She drew back enough to tilt her head up, looking into those starlit eyes. Neither of them spoke; so many chances to speak had come and gone. Instead Aeris pressed her lips to Tifa's.

There were no past kisses to compare it to, no sense of what part of Tifa might have been missing from it. Her lips were soft and welcoming, her hair brushed Aeris's face, her arms held her a little closer.

It was later than it should have been, but it was real enough. It could still be a memory that became a part of Tifa, for as long as she was Tifa, and Aeris... Aeris would carry it with her into the future.