Chapter 36
Aeris and Yuffie met the others back at the inn after they sold the truck. Lucrecia had found a decent medical supply store, and she went about her work as quickly as she could while Zack and Cloud grit their teeth and bore it. Even if Lucrecia were anyone else, Aeris would have understood it. After the years she'd spent in Hojo's 'care,' she wouldn't have wanted anyone around her with a needle either.
And she understood just as well when Zack jumped on the idea of one more shopping trip. Why dwell on ugly memories when there was any potential to make better ones?
Costa del Sol's shops sported a small selection of winter gear for those headed north from its port, and they descended upon them en masse, only Nanaki abstaining. As shopping trips went, the options were hardly exciting, but Aeris enjoyed the baffled looks their group garnered, and the light banter amid browsing coats and sweaters was a welcome change from the past few days. Tifa, of course, looked good in anything, and she obliged Aeris by trying on a few more things than was really necessary.
Their wallets took a hit, and Zack bemoaned the lost opportunity for swimwear, but never floated the idea seriously. He was, however, insistent that they hit the beach for the remainder of the day, and to that Tifa gave no objection.
The Planet thrummed in the back of Aeris's mind, anxious that she was staying in one place so long. It didn't understand the concept of boat schedules. The way doesn't open until tomorrow, she said. I promise we're going as soon as we can. And we could use the rest.
She wondered if it even understood something so crucial to the human existence as rest. After two thousand years with the wound Jenova had made, and now Shinra... maybe the loss of the reactors in Midgar and Gongaga was the closest thing in memory it had had to a respite.
They made a stop back at the inn, and most of the others went on ahead to the beach, hoping to secure a good spot. The sun had only just broken out of the clouds, and it might not have grown crowded yet. It was late in the season, too, Aeris supposed, with the last official day of summer just ahead of them.
Tifa and Aeris stayed behind to change, though Vincent and Lucrecia had yet to leave when Aeris took her turn. Vincent didn't require any convincing to go anywhere Lucrecia wanted to, but she was having a hard time persuading him that that heavy cape wasn't appropriate beach wear.
But when Aeris reemerged from the bathroom, Lucrecia was unfastening its buckles while Vincent stood stiffly in resignation.
"Success, I see," Aeris remarked.
"He's as bad as he was before," said Lucrecia. "I had so much trouble ever getting him out of uniform."
Aeris cocked her head, trying to imagine it. Vincent in the uniform of the Turks... he'd probably been handsome, for all that it signified. They made an odd couple now, Lucrecia pretty but nondescript in her practical clothes, and Vincent with his dramatic appearance, looking young enough to be her son.
But she had a son.
Aeris had never expected to meet the woman in the flesh. Sephiroth's mother. Hojo's wife. Vincent's great love. Always defined before by her relationships to the men in her life, but here now with a voice of her own. A woman weighed down by remorse, but seeming to come more alive, bit by bit, even since that morning.
The others treated her with suspicion, and Aeris wondered if they would have felt the same about her father, if he'd lived. The only difference between Gast and Lucrecia was that she was still alive to be held accountable. But Aeris wasn't interested in that. She'd faced consequences enough... and might still.
Tifa was looking at her expectantly, but as Lucrecia tossed the cape aside across one of the beds, Aeris looked from Tifa to Vincent.
"Could you two give us a minute?" she asked.
"Aeris?" said Tifa in confusion.
"I just want to talk, and you know Vincent's going to keep hogging her to himself. You understand, right?"
Tifa glanced at Lucrecia uneasily, but comprehension settled on her face, and she nodded. "I'll be right outside," she said.
So protective. Aeris couldn't help a smile. Vincent caught Lucrecia's eye, but he left the room with Tifa without saying a word.
Lucrecia was shaking her head as she took a seat, and Aeris noted a faint smile on her face that probably mirrored her own.
"You're still very fond of him," she observed, "aren't you?"
The smile faded. "Some loves... I don't think you ever quite get over."
"You could come with us," Aeris proposed, sitting down beside her. "We have an extra ticket." At Lucrecia's confused look, she explained, "Barret and Yuffie forgot and bought one for Nanaki. Which is sweet, but the tour people are going to count him as a pet, not a passenger."
"I see," said Lucrecia, but she shook her head. "Thank you, but I know I'm not welcome. And it's been hard enough seeing Vincent every day, with what Hojo did to him."
"Doesn't he look the same?"
Lucrecia looked off with a faraway expression, as though she were imagining it. "His eyes were brown when I knew him," she said. "And that arm... he won't touch me with it. He's so self-conscious of it, of himself. Worse than when we first met."
"Couldn't you get past it?" Aeris wondered.
"In time, if I wanted to, maybe. But he deserves the chance to move on. These few days are enough for me, to finally have the chance to say goodbye."
Aeris dropped her gaze to her hands. Would Lucrecia feel differently, she wondered, if she knew how little time she might have? In a few days, Aeris hoped to summon Holy, and if it responded to her call and erased Jenova from the Planet... it might erase the Jenova from inside Lucrecia, too, a presence that she needed by now to stay alive.
She didn't think Lucrecia would discourage her, if she knew. The way she spoke, she might even be glad to finally be rid of it, regardless of the cost. But it felt wrong to keep her in the dark.
And yet... she couldn't risk it. Holy was their last defense, should Sephiroth summon Meteor.
"Well then," she said at last, "you should make it memorable. I know you feel guilty about what happened back then, but I wouldn't let that get in the way if I were you."
Lucrecia's eyes were on her again. "There is something you aren't telling me, isn't there?" she asked.
"It's just..." Aeris faltered, and tried a different approach. "It's very dangerous, what we're doing. Going after Sephiroth."
"There's a chance Vincent might not survive it. That my son might kill him. Is that what you're saying?"
"Well... yes," Aeris admitted. What a thing to suggest to her instead. "And if we fail... Meteor will kill all of us."
Lucrecia said nothing for a time. At a glance she seemed calm, pensive, but Aeris noticed her clench her hands to cease a tremor in them. She swallowed.
"You know, it is almost tempting. To go with you just to see him, just once, before... But then I'd have to see what he's become. And to watch one of them kill the other... No. It's too much."
"...I understand," said Aeris, ceding defeat. At least Lucrecia understood that this might be a last farewell, even if she didn't quite understand why.
"Now," said Lucrecia, "you didn't just want to talk to me about Vincent, did you?"
It made sense for her to think so, didn't it? Why should Aeris be so invested in the relationship between a man she barely knew and a woman she'd just met? But there was something else she could ask of Lucrecia.
"You knew my father," she said. "Probably a lot better than Vincent, since you worked so closely with him. Maybe you could tell me a little about him."
"Gast..." Lucrecia said, smiling sadly. "Well... I can tell you what a joy it was, to work with someone so brilliant, and so open to collaboration. Hojo could get so jealous, if you had an idea that he hadn't thought of first... Your father wasn't like that. It's a shame I didn't meet him sooner, to know what it was really like to have someone respect me for my work."
Aeris didn't ask about Hojo, about their relationship. She knew as much about that man's character as she ever needed to. "Were you friends, outside of your work?"
"Well... To be honest, none of us were very good at having a life outside our work. It was Vincent who'd manage to get me out of my head... But yes, Gast and I were friends, in our own way. He was really the last person who was there for me... Hojo all but abandoned me after Sephiroth was born, and Vincent disappeared..."
"Gast tried to help you, right?" Aeris asked, recalling what they'd found in Lucrecia's file.
"Yes," Lucrecia confirmed. "Poor man, he didn't really understand, but he did try. I regret disappearing the way I did, if only because he must have felt responsible. But of all of us, I suppose he was the one who found a way to move on."
"...I wish I could've known him. I know what he did, but everyone speaks so well of him."
Lucrecia pursed her lips. "You know... I don't know how far north you mean to go, but if you make it to Icicle Inn, you ought to ask after your parents. That was their home, before Hojo found them. Some people may still remember them."
Aeris frowned at her. "How do you... know about all that?" she wondered. No one else she'd spoken to had known what had become of Gast after the Jenova Project; Aeris had been the one to tell them, and she'd assumed Vincent had related it to Lucrecia in turn. But even Aeris hadn't known where they'd lived.
"Many years ago," Lucrecia explained, "I tried to go north myself, back to the crater where they found Jenova. I thought I might learn something. I never made it all the way, but I did hear about Gast, and your mother. Their house was abandoned, then... You look very much like her, you know. Your mother."
Aeris's breath hitched in her throat. For her to say that... there must have been pictures. Of her mother when she was alive, Aeris had only the White Materia and her fading memories.
"I'm sorry," said Lucrecia. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"No, no. Thank you for telling me. I'll... have to look into it, someday."
It had been over twenty years, and so someone else could be living in that house by now, and emptied it of its treasures, but like Lucrecia said, there might be people who remembered her parents. People who'd known them together, in that brief time when they'd been happiest. And if nothing else, she could see the place where she'd been born.
"I just wish I had more for you," said Lucrecia. "Seeing you now... You've grown into such a kind young woman. It makes me imagine a different life."
For a moment, Aeris thought of it, too. A life where her parents hadn't died, where Lucrecia had raised her son, where all of them had had the chance to be family... Things could have been so different... but if they had been, would Aeris ever have met Tifa?
"If it's any consolation," she ventured, "Sephiroth wasn't always the person he is now. He was respected, he had friends... Maybe you could talk to Zack about him. He knew him before."
"Perhaps I will. But I think we've kept your friends waiting long enough."
Aeris smiled, and she laid her hand atop Lucrecia's for just a moment. "I'm sure Vincent's eager to spend more time with you, too."
Lucrecia shook her head. "That man... I don't deserve him."
"Forget about that," Aeris said. "He doesn't care, and I think you've both punished yourselves enough. Just... do what you want, with the time you have. Okay?"
Lucrecia laughed softly. "To be getting advice from Gast's daughter... that's a day I never imagined." But she rose to her feet and nodded to the door. "Shall we go?"
Tifa and Vincent both waited in the hall just outside the door, and Aeris wondered if they had overheard any of the conversation. Tifa wasn't the type to eavesdrop intentionally, but the walls here weren't the thickest. And Vincent... Well, who knew, but it might do him some good to hear how Lucrecia spoke of him.
Aeris looped an arm through Tifa's, smiling at her. "The beach awaits."
Vincent and Lucrecia fell behind them as they left the inn and headed down the street to the beach. Tifa glanced back at them and then asked softly, "Did you tell her...?"
Aeris shook her head. "But I encouraged her to make the most of the time they have. I mean... there's no guarantee for any of us, when you think about it."
Tifa reached up and took her hand. "We're making it through this," she said. "Otherwise what happens with all your plans?"
"You're right. We have to stay positive. And I do want a real vacation someday, not just the few hours we get here and there."
"Well... A few hours is what we have now, so let's make the most of them ourselves."
Aeris could tell it took her effort to talk that way, still struggling with her self-worth in the wake of the past few days, but it was good to see her pushing through it. She was allowing herself some fun, and she deserved it, whatever she felt. Aeris gave her hand a squeeze.
It was funny, she thought. Aeris had always imagined that it would feel more momentous to say that she loved someone, that there would be a clear before and after, but it had happened so naturally that she might have missed it but for Tifa's reaction. To her it was no more surprising than announcing the sun was warm, or the ocean wet. There was no longer any other way to describe it.
She thought Tifa felt the same, but the words were harder for her. She seemed not to want them to come from a heart still laden with so many other doubts, and Aeris could only do so much to help her through them.
The beach was much less crowded than the last time they'd come, but they by no means had it to themselves. Tourists had claimed the coveted section of beach close to the bars, and they walked on in search of their friends.
Barret was the easiest to spot, walking barefoot with Jessie through the waves along the shore. Splashes drew her eye to Zack and Yuffie, farther out in the water, engaged in what Aeris hoped was a friendly war with each other. Nanaki had claimed a place resting beneath one of the umbrellas, and Cloud stood nearby, watching the others.
"Not going swimming, Cloud?" Aeris asked him as they stopped to set down their towels.
"Huh?" he said, and she gestured to the shirt he still wore. "Oh. No big deal to swim in this. The scar's... pretty ugly."
"Oh. Mind if I take a peek?"
"Aeris?" said Tifa, looking at her sharply while Cloud took a step back in surprise.
"What? You're always hiding yours, but I don't think it looks so bad. I thought he could use a second opinion."
"I'm okay," said Cloud, giving the hem of his shirt a decisive tug down.
Aeris regarded him thoughtfully. "I don't think Zack will care either, if that's what you're worried about."
"What's Zack got to do with it?"
"You like him, right?"
Cloud didn't answer, but his ears went a bright red. It was cute, really, and she wondered at those little country villages turning out so many attractive people.
Tifa's hand found her back, pushing her towards the shore. "Sorry, Cloud," she said. "I'm gonna go throw this one in the ocean."
He smiled a little, scratching his head. "Thanks."
Aeris gave in and let Tifa lead her away, but she pouted. "I was only trying to help."
Tifa shook her head. "You really think he'd admit something like that to Zack's ex-girlfriend and an old crush?"
"Well, it would mean he and I have exactly the same taste in people," Aeris pointed out.
"I-" Tifa faltered, and shut her mouth. Apparently it hadn't occurred to her, but Aeris thought it made her eminently qualified to help out.
But she knew Tifa didn't like matchmaking, so instead she said, "Were you really going to throw me into the ocean? It sounds like fun."
Tifa looked at her, and with a soft smile, she swept Aeris up into her arms. Aeris lost a flip-flop in the process, and kicked off the other as Tifa carried her into the surf. When the water had reached her waist, she hefted Aeris up and dropped her in. Aeris shrieked in delight as the cool water enveloped her, and after a disoriented second, her foot found the sandy bottom. Tifa was there to grab onto once her head broke the surface, and Aeris tumbled into her, laughing.
"Hey!" Zack called to them, waving an arm. "Can I get a rescue over here?"
"No way!" said Yuffie. "They're on my side, right?"
Aeris waded over with Tifa, and from appearances, it certainly didn't look like Zack was the one who'd need rescuing. He was a solid foot taller than Yuffie, a fact emphasized now as the water reached her chest but came only to his waist. Unlike Cloud, he didn't have any problem baring his chest, which now sported a few scars that Aeris didn't recognize, from shallower slashes than Tifa's but probably obtained the same way.
And healed with the help of Jenova, she thought, her heart sinking a moment. He and Cloud didn't know either.
"Well..." said Tifa, considering their options, "I'm more inclined to side with Yuffie."
Yuffie grinned. "Yeah! Girls against boys."
Zack made a face. "No fair! That's three against one."
"You just need to drag Cloud out here to even things out," said Aeris. "I can barely swim, so I don't think I count for much."
"Yeah, right," said Zack, throwing her a knowing look. "But you're right about Cloud. Guy needs to loosen up."
He headed back for the shore, and Yuffie nodded in satisfaction. "We're going to destroy them," she said, and Aeris laughed.
It was hard to say, once they got into it, what the terms for winning or losing even were, only that each side was furiously determined not to be the loser. The right amount of splashing seemed to be enough to completely obscure sight of your opponents, and Aeris had swallowed seawater more than once by the time Barret waved Tifa over for their daily call, effecting a wary ceasefire.
Aeris didn't go after her, figuring she would want her space for this one, and instead she turned to Yuffie to see if she could help with her swimming lessons.
They headed back to shore later, whereupon Zack and Cloud started work on a sand castle. Yuffie loudly declared her disinterest and went off to join Nanaki, but Aeris had never made one before and she was happy to help with a few towers. Tifa soon joined them, and Jessie came by later to offer them some seashells for decoration.
As the day wore into evening, they picked up food from one of the restaurants and all ate together on the sand. The sun set behind the town, and most of the tourists abandoned the beach. The ocean stretched out dark and glimmering before them, and no one seemed in any hurry to leave.
But even with Tifa's arm around her, Aeris was starting to get a little chilly without the sun, and she knew Tifa hadn't slept well the night before. She caught her eye and nodded towards the inn.
"Yeah, all right," said Tifa, and they headed back together.
All the activity had moved into the bars, their light and sound spilling out into the streets through open doors. Another time, Aeris might have liked to go in, to feel that energy around her but not feel like she was missing out on some kind of secret, because she'd have Tifa with her, and no one could hold a candle to that.
But for now she preferred the quiet that found them when the door to the inn shut behind them. The hall lights were dimmed, and they made the only noise themselves. Shoes slapping against their feet, key turning in the lock, the door closing behind them.
The last time they had come back to this inn alone together, Tifa had kissed her for the first time. They'd come so far since then, since that tentative press of lips into the corner of her mouth, not even daring to kiss her full on. They reached everything by degrees that way, like easing into a too-hot bath.
Aeris wondered what the next step was.
"You want to take a shower?" she asked, kicking off her flip-flops.
Tifa waved a hand. "You can go first," she said. "It'll warm you up."
"Actually..." Aeris hesitated, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. "I thought maybe we could take one together."
Tifa's head snapped towards her, and her face flushed dark. Aeris felt her own heating a little. For all the time they'd spent sharing rooms and even beds, they'd never seen each other completely naked. And the shower, while big enough, was not exactly spacious.
"Um..." said Tifa.
Aeris smiled. "Just an invitation," she said quickly. "Up to you."
She turned to go on into the bathroom, leaving Tifa to process the idea. She left the door ajar, turned on the water, and stripped out of her bathing suit. She took the White Materia in its pin out of her hair, set it carefully atop the bathroom vanity, and glanced at the door. Well, a hot shower would be nice enough on its own, she decided with a shrug.
She had time enough to unwind her hair loose from its braid before she saw the door open, and Tifa's shape appeared, indistinct through the frosted glass of the shower. Aeris's heartbeat quickened, watching the motion of her stripping off her swimsuit. The shower door slid cautiously open, and Tifa stepped in.
Tifa's beauty had always been a little overwhelming, from the first glimpse Aeris had had of her: silky hair almost black in the Midgar night, the shape of her lips, worried into a frown, not yet noticing Aeris to realize that she had stared first. And now Aeris saw all of her, every curve from the ones she typically hid to the muscles of her arms. She wanted to touch every inch of that skin, ready and eager to make this again a place of firsts--
But she didn't think that Tifa was, so she let her set the pace. Tifa's face reddened as her eyes ran over Aeris's body, but her hands stayed at her sides, and she looked unsure.
Aeris hadn't been quite clear with her invitation, she realized. Innuendo, or just what she'd said?
"You can just help me wash my hair," she offered, "if you want."
Tifa relaxed, letting out a breath. Too big a step for her. But, Aeris had found that letting Tifa know what she wanted, what she was ready for, could lead to Tifa making some small step towards it on her own.
Tifa's fingers in her hair, the unavoidable brushes of skin against skin in the close quarters... It was intimate enough. And frankly, if they'd done anything more, without going all the way... Aeris might have needed another, colder shower.
Neither of them had remembered to bring a change of clothes into the bathroom, and while Tifa secured a towel around herself, Aeris peeked out into the room before stepping out naked and retrieving her nightgown off the edge of their bed.
Tifa gave the tank top she'd been wearing earlier a sniff and made a face. "I think I'm out of clothes that're even passably clean."
"Guess you'll just have to be naked," Aeris said lightly. "It's still too warm for sweaters."
"I don't think that'll work for tomorrow," Tifa said wryly. "I think it's time to hit the laundry room."
"Always an exciting date night activity."
Tifa pushed her hair back behind her ear. "We can at least wait until Jessie and Yuffie are back."
Aeris smiled and shrugged. "I don't think you'll be the one doing it anyway. Unless you're comfortable strolling around the inn in a towel."
Tifa glanced down at herself, a little sheepishly. She took a careful seat on their bed, making sure the towel remained secure.
Not that it really had to, Aeris thought... She gave her head a shake and went to sit down beside her. "I wanted to ask earlier: how did it go with Marlene?"
"...not the way I expected," Tifa admitted.
"Is that a good thing?"
Tifa took a moment to find her words. "Hearing her voice... made it harder to regret something I did to keep her safe. Just a little, anyway."
Aeris smiled. "I'm glad."
"Barret's been really great about everything, too," Tifa went on. "He told Marlene... I stopped a 'bad man' from hurting people. It must be so hard for him, to think of Dyne that way."
"Probably. But on balance, it's not hard to think of you that way--as someone who protects people."
"Well... I'll aim to keep it that way."
Aeris nodded, and reached over to give Tifa's hand a squeeze. Tifa shifted, winding their fingers together, looking down at their joined hands.
"So," she said, "tomorrow we go north."
"Mm," said Aeris. "I guess we'll have some time to ourselves on the ship, too. It's not as if they're going to ask us to row."
"True. And this time we don't have to wear those uniforms," Tifa added, making a face.
"They were a little itchy. And they hid half your face."
Tifa's expression sobered. "I wonder what the Shinra are up to, though... Hard to imagine they'd really just leave us alone."
"You think they're following us again, to learn where Sephiroth is headed?"
"Could be. I guess then we'd be valuable to them for a little while longer, as long as they don't pick up his trail on their own."
Aeris sat back, her brow furrowing. "I wonder if we should be worried about Lucrecia..."
"What for?"
"Well, she isn't coming with us, but if the Shinra are watching us, they'll know she's an ally. Maybe they even know who she is. I don't know what's happened to their science department with Hojo gone, but they'd probably be as interested in her expertise as we are, for their own reasons."
Tifa's frown was more one of doubt than concern. "We can mention it to her," she said, "but you're probably underestimating her. She's been on her own for almost thirty years, hasn't she?"
"I guess you're right. She's hidden from them all this time, she ought to be an expert in that, too."
"You don't hold any of it against her, do you?" Tifa asked her.
"No. She made the same mistake as Gast, didn't she?"
Tifa nodded slowly. "I thought that, too. But it's... easier to forgive your father than someone who looks like she does."
"It makes me sad for her," said Aeris. "It's probably not the only way he took after her... But she's helping us anyway, how she can."
"I guess so. Cloud and Zack didn't seem thrilled about it, getting prodded by another scientist."
"I don't think they're expecting much. But I know it'll be one worry off my mind if she can give us any sign that... that they'll be okay."
"...after Holy, you mean?" Tifa asked quietly.
Aeris nodded.
"I don't suppose the Planet can tell you anything?"
"I don't think so. There's no precedent for it."
Tifa gave her hand a squeeze. "They're strong enough to fight it off. I have to believe they'll be all right."
"...yeah. You're probably right."
Aeris knew right now that Tifa understood better than anyone. She'd been faced with the same dilemma as part of AVALANCHE, and come to the same decision Aeris had already made, but had yet to go through with. To risk sacrificing innocent lives in order to save the Planet... She could say that it was the Planet's decision, exactly what Holy would do, but Aeris had her part to play, too. She wondered if Tifa had felt with as much certainty that it was something she had to do, despite the cost.
And Tifa was hoping there wouldn't be one, because she knew what that felt like.
"Ahh... When did this get all serious? I'm going to do a mental rewind to you doing laundry in that towel."
Tifa smiled gently. "Why not go back a little further than that?"
Aeris raised her eyebrows, and her gaze dropped to the towel secured just above Tifa's chest. "Really?"
"Mentally, I mean," said Tifa, blushing and tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'm not getting naked again when Jessie and Yuffie could be back any minute."
Aeris clicked her tongue. "When we go on a real vacation, we're getting our own room."
"I like how you imagine we'll be suddenly rich then, too," Tifa remarked.
"Hmm... Think we could steal the funds from the Shinra? It's only fair when they're the ones who caused all of this."
Tifa laughed. "Definitely a good thought, worthy of an AVALANCHE member. I'm sure we'll figure it out."
"Good. Because I don't want it to be like when I imagined things back in Midgar, and never did anything about them."
"It won't be. I promise."
Aeris smiled and leaned her head on Tifa's shoulder, knowing that even if they were joking around, Tifa meant to keep that promise. After all of this was over, they'd figure it out.