Chapter 34
The solemnity that fell over the camp that evening was all too familiar to Yuffie. It was the same feeling that had stifled her home during the war. The fighting had never reached the capital, but so many of the city's people had gone off to fight, and so many had come back only as bodies to be buried in the family plot.
As a Kisaragi, Yuffie had gone to a lot of those funerals, so that even her own mother's blurred together with the rest. And with each of them, she'd seen her world growing that much smaller. One more person who'd never come back, one more empty space in her city that would go on being empty even after the fighting was done.
And when the war ended and her father had come home for good, he'd only made it worse. All the strength she'd known in him as a child had gone out of him, and he'd made himself a smaller, emptier version of himself for the Shinra, reprimanding her when she refused to do the same.
Everyone was making themselves small tonight, in the wake of Dyne's death. They'd gone through the motions of dinner, like it would have been harder to deviate from that routine, and afterwards, they'd all dispersed around the campsite. Tifa had disappeared out of sight, and Aeris had followed. Yuffie could hear Zack and Cloud--mostly Zack--talking indistinctly in the back of the truck. Barret was the only one still sitting by the dwindling campfire, and Yuffie watched him from her perch atop the roof of the truck.
She didn't think anyone else was dwelling on the thing that had stuck in her mind about today: when Dyne had pulled his gun on them, and Barret had grabbed her, shielding her with his body.
Barret had bothered her from the beginning. He phoned his daughter all the time, with genuine affection in his voice, and it still grated on her nerves. He called her a kid, and it drove her crazy, because at the same time she'd watched him acknowledge her skills and start listening to her words, sometimes even when the others dismissed them for some childish outburst. He didn't take the bait when she insulted him, and he'd never raised his voice to her since that first day.
It had taken her this long to figure it out, but he was, actually, a good dad, and she hated it the same way she hated Nanaki's perfect Cosmo Canyon.
But Yuffie was starting to wonder. Why should she even have to think of Godo as her dad when he wanted to pretend she didn't exist? If she could choose her family, then why not pick some other people who actually gave a damn about her?
Barret hadn't even thought about it. He'd just acted. Instinct, a matter of course, whatever it was for good people.
But it was stupid, too, wasn't it? What, was she just supposed to walk up and ask these people to be her new weird family? What if all of this was only meant to last until they'd beat Sephiroth?
Yuffie wrapped her arms around her knees, which only made her more keenly aware of how gross she felt. She'd stopped registering the stink of her own sweat, but she felt grit shifting in her clothes whenever she moved. But they barely had any drinking water left, there was nothing to wash with.
A phone rang in the back of the truck, interrupting Zack and Cloud's conversation, and she heard Zack answer it. After a minute, he strode across to the campfire and handed the phone to Barret. Too far away for Yuffie to make out anything they said, but she saw Barret's shoulders hunch, like they did when he was about to have an uncomfortable conversation.
Zack headed back in her direction, stopping to lean against the truck just below her. "You okay up there?"
"Was that Jessie calling?" she asked. "They have as depressing a day as we did?"
"Dunno. She said she had news, but she wanted to talk to Barret."
"Well, you're useless."
Zack frowned. "Hey, that was uncalled for. I came over here to check up on you, y'know."
Yuffie looked back at the campfire. "I'm fine. Good job."
Frustratingly, that wasn't enough for him. Zack went around the other side of the truck and climbed up onto the roof to sit down next to her.
"Oh, come on," she said. "Unless you can magically summon a bathtub, just get lost, will you? That's all I need right now."
"Maybe you're okay," he said, "but we're not. What'd I do to get on your bad side?"
Yuffie silently willed him to go away. It didn't work.
"Cloud's pretty sure you're down on him because of the whole Gongaga incident, which I get, but you've been giving me the cold shoulder since before the Temple."
"If you'd talked to anyone else besides Cloud, they'd tell you that's just how I am."
"Nah. You're a little nicer to the people you do like."
"Okay. Can't you just accept that I don't like you?"
"Well... I could," Zack admitted, "but I'd like to try and fix it first, if you'll let me. We're on the same team, after all, and you seem like an interesting person."
Yuffie sighed. She wasn't getting rid of him without giving him some kind of reason, and maybe the real one would get some results. "Then stop treating me like a kid," she said. "You're doing it right now, I mean, would you be trying to have some stupid heart-to-heart with Barret if he didn't like you? No, you'd just let it work itself out."
"You don't know me that well," said Zack, quirking an eyebrow at her. "But, all right. Maybe I've been doing it without thinking about it. I mean, you're what, fifteen?"
"Sixteen," she corrected, lifting her chin. "And I'll be seventeen in a couple months."
"Okay. I guess that's not much younger than I was when everything went to shit at Nibelheim. But speaking as a guy who ran off to join the military way too young and then lost five years to a crazy scientist... I don't know if I'd be in such a hurry to grow up if I were you."
"There's nothing good about being a kid. Nobody takes you seriously, everybody just expects you to obey your elders."
"Obey?" Zack repeated, sitting back on his hands. "Yikes. Whatever happened to goofing off with your friends?"
"My friends are trying to save the world," Yuffie stated. "They don't do a whole lot of goofing off."
Zack nodded, glancing off in the direction Tifa and Aeris had gone. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to work on that."
"Who made that your job?"
"It's a self-appointed one. If Tifa's in charge, I might as well focus my energy on keeping our morale up."
"What do you mean, 'if'? Of course Tifa's in charge."
"No, of course, I know that. It's just been weird, being this far down the command structure, if you know what I mean."
"I super don't."
Zack looked at her quizzically. "You know I was in SOLDIER," he said. "First Class? Sephiroth outranked me, but I ran my share of missions where I was the commanding officer."
"No way. They let you be in charge of people?"
"It hurts that you have so little faith in me."
Yuffie rolled her eyes. "You'll get over it. And just so we're clear, I do totally outrank you in this group."
Zack winced. "Yeah. Yeah, that does seem to be the case."
This was her out, Yuffie realized. "So. Now that that's established, I'm gonna order you to go leave me alone."
"What? Come on."
"Look, I've got stuff on my mind. You work on things and maybe I'll take you off my shit list."
"Well... All right." He sounded disappointed, but at least he was agreeing. "I'll let you get back to whatever deep thoughts you're thinking up here."
"Good. You do that."
Zack leapt down from the truck, and it did improve her mood a little that she could order him around, even if it wasn't anything important. She'd have to take advantage of that again in the future.
But as her attention fell back on Barret at the campfire, Yuffie wondered if any of the real responsibility would be coming her way. He and Tifa had barely spoken since they'd left the prison; Yuffie had had to tell Aeris and Zack what had happened. And then there was whatever was going on with Aeris... maybe the Planet was being louder in her head than usual, but she sure didn't seem up to much right now either.
Well, all they had to do was make it to Costa del Sol. Yuffie could bully people in and out of a truck if she had to.
Tifa was quiet when morning came, but Barret seemed to be pulling himself back together. Over breakfast, he told them gruffly about Jessie's news, and Yuffie made a face. Sephiroth's mom? Plus she felt cheated; they'd spent all that time reading her boring research papers when they could've just asked her for the important parts.
From the expressions on everyone else's faces, about the only person who didn't feel the same was Aeris. At least Jessie hadn't said anything about Lucrecia joining up.
They got moving without any fuss, and of course Zack tried to talk to her during the drive. Yuffie pretended to ignore him, but listening to his dumb stories actually did help distract her from the motion of the truck.
Close to midday, they left the parched earth behind for greener lands, and soon after drove into a rainstorm that had swept down from the mountains. Zack rolled up his window, but Yuffie left hers open, inviting it in. Zack stopped the truck just south of the next river crossing, and Yuffie was out before he'd killed the engine.
"Somethin' up?" Barret was asking behind her.
"Nah, I just thought you guys might wanna wash up," said Zack. "We've still got a long drive to Costa del Sol."
"Girls first!" Yuffie exclaimed immediately, spinning around to face the others. "And no peeking from the rest of you."
Tifa looked to Barret, who shrugged. "Fine by me. Rain's helpin' some already."
"Guess we're not cooking though," said Aeris. "Sandwiches?"
"Sure," said Tifa.
Yuffie didn't bother to wait for her. She headed down to the riverbank and walked along it until the truck was well out of sight. The rain made rippling patterns across the surface of the water, shifting with the current, bands of heavier rain standing out clear on the river.
Yuffie stripped down to her underwear, tossing yesterday's grimy clothes carelessly on the shore, and took a few steps in, testing the current. Not too strong, even in the downpour, and her toes gripped the stones of the riverbed. She waded out until the water came up to her waist and closed her eyes. The current buffeted her, eager to pull her along if she let it. Yuffie always felt rivers had a mind of their own that way, even if they could only flow the one direction out to sea.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, maybe we should stay where it's shallow," said Tifa.
Yuffie turned to glance up at her. She'd stripped down, too, revealing that long scar slashing across her chest beneath her bra. If it were Yuffie, she would've shown it off more, like a badge of honor, but she'd only glimpsed it before when Tifa was changing.
"I'm okay," Yuffie said. "The current's not that fast, and I'm a good swimmer."
"Still..."
Tifa was going to worry anyway, Yuffie realized, and she didn't need that right now. Yuffie waded a few steps back with her. "Better?"
Tifa nodded. "Sorry."
Yuffie shrugged. "Feels good, though, doesn't it?"
"Washing off all that crud?" Tifa said, slicking her bangs back from her face. "Definitely."
"Not just that. I kinda love being in the water on days like this. Everything all kinda flows together, like you can feel the gods in it."
"You mean your water god?"
"Yeah," said Yuffie. "Wutai's full of water, you know. The ocean, the rivers, the rainy season--that's all Leviathan's blessing on our land."
Tifa was looking at her strangely, and Yuffie fidgeted.
"What?"
"I just never took you for a spiritual person," said Tifa.
"Well, I mean... I'm not good at explaining this stuff, but I guess it's always seemed more reliable to me than people. Not that I count on the gods to do anything for me, that's not what it's about. You still gotta reach for stuff on your own, but it wouldn't be there to reach for if not for them."
"Hmm."
Tifa didn't ask her any more questions about it, and that was fine with Yuffie. She wasn't a priest or a scholar or anything, she didn't know how to talk about something she'd always just felt was true.
Yuffie dunked her head under the water and ran her fingers through her hair, glad again that it was short. How much shampoo did Tifa go through when she used it? Even now she was still working sand out of it, the same pensive look on her face.
"How are you doing?" Yuffie asked her. "Like, for real?"
"I'm okay," Tifa said. It wasn't exactly convincing, but putting any effort into pretending made it an improvement over yesterday. "I think the hardest part is just... the thought of having to lie to Marlene."
"Why would you have to lie? I mean, I get you don't tell her a lot of stuff now, she's just a kid, but..."
"Yuffie, Dyne was her father."
"How's that?"
Tifa frowned at her. "Don't you remember Barret's story?"
"No, I know he was her bio dad, but like, does that matter? Barret's been raising her since she was a baby, right?"
"Dyne didn't know she was alive."
"That's kinda bullshit," Yuffie pointed out.
"What?"
"Come on. We ran into a whole crappy town of survivors. You gonna tell me none of 'em knew Barret had Marlene? Did Dyne bother to look at all? Even my lame excuse for a dad would've wanted to make sure. Seems to me like you did her a giant favor, making sure she'd never meet that asshole. Maybe you oughtta be proud of that."
Tifa stared at her. "I don't know about that," she said slowly. "But... you're right, I didn't want her to meet that man."
Of course someone like Tifa would never be proud of killing someone, Yuffie reflected, but she could at least not beat herself up so much about it. She sure didn't need to be talking like she'd killed someone who was actually important to Barret's daughter.
"Y'know," Yuffie went on, "I thought you would've talked some of this out with Aeris. Wasn't she adopted?"
Tifa looked away. "We haven't really talked," she said.
"What? What were you doing all last night then?" As soon as the question was out of her mouth, Yuffie hurried to add, "Wait, don't tell me if it's gross."
"It's not," Tifa said with the faintest smile. "We just didn't talk. Did some stargazing."
"Oh. That's nice, I guess."
"Yeah. Maybe that's my thing-- like you and this rain."
Yuffie nodded. She wasn't sure Tifa totally understood, but it wasn't so bad that she was trying.
"Anyway, we should probably head back. Give Barret and Cloud their turn."
"Yeah, I guess," Yuffie agreed reluctantly.
Tifa had had more foresight than Yuffie, and left a pair of blankets wrapped in a tarp for them to use once they got out, so they wouldn't have to put on their wet, sweaty old clothes. Back at the truck, they kicked Zack out of its shelter long enough to change into clean clothes, and then Aeris passed them some sandwiches.
"Feeling better?" she asked, her gaze lingering on Tifa even though the question was ostensibly directed at both of them.
"Definitely," said Yuffie, and Tifa nodded.
"...it was kind of nice getting rained on," she said.
"Beach party," Zack said abruptly. "That's what we need when we get to Costa del Sol."
"Zack," Aeris said, shaking her head. "If this is just an excuse to see everyone in swimwear..."
"A man can have multiple goals," he said. "But honestly, I think we could all use it, and we're headed for a resort town. Be a shame not to take advantage."
Tifa shrugged. "We'll have a little downtime. Everyone can do what they like with it."
Which Yuffie took to mean, if there was a party, she wouldn't be participating this time. She exchanged glances with Aeris, who gave her a rueful smile. She looked worried.
They got moving again. Zack was telling her about beach parties, and even though she wasn't any less interested than before, Yuffie found herself glancing at the truck's clock display. It was harder to tell time on rainy days, but the afternoon hours passed slowly towards early evening. Finally she realized something.
"Is that the right time?"
"Huh?" Zack glanced at the clock. "Oh, yeah, more or less. Why?"
Yuffie glanced through the window into the back of the truck. She couldn't always catch their conversations back there, but she would've heard if they'd made the usual phone call.
Barret hadn't called his daughter.
Frowning, Yuffie settled back in her seat. Sure, he'd missed days, but only the days when it wouldn't have been safe to call. Not the days when there'd been nothing going on, no matter how rough they'd had it.
But it wasn't really her business. Not her problem. Right?
Zack kept glancing at her, and finally he asked, "You okay?"
Yuffie drew in a long breath, and then she spun around and rapped on the window. "Hey! Getting late, isn't it?"
"What?" said Barret.
She couldn't tell if he hadn't heard her or if he just didn't understand what she was getting at, but she made the phone gesture with her hand. "Aren't you s'posed to be doing something right now?"
Barret looked taken aback, and he glanced at Tifa. "We decided to put it off a day," he said.
"Oh, no way," Yuffie muttered under her breath, and she turned to Zack. "Hey, pull over."
"What? Over a phone call?"
"Trust me, it's a super important phone call. And I still outrank you."
Zack threw her a look like he thought she was losing it, but he brought the truck to a stop anyway. Yuffie jumped out and went around to the back.
"What do you mean, you're putting it off?" she demanded. "You got something better to do?"
Barret squinted at her. "Don't see how it's any of your business."
All four of them were looking at her the same way Zack was, and she got why. She'd never met Marlene, and she'd never stayed to listen to a single one of those phone calls all the way through.
"This'll make three days," said Yuffie, holding up her fingers. "You haven't gone that long without calling since that damn cargo ship, and I don't think 'we didn't feel like it' is as good of an excuse."
Barret glanced at Tifa again.
"Yuffie..." Aeris began.
"What? You think I'm wrong? She's a kid, three days is like forever, and you cannot start fucking up now."
"...you ain't wrong," Barret conceded quietly.
Tifa shook her head. "I can't. I'm sorry, I'm not ready."
Barret nodded. "You mind if I...?"
"No. Just... can you make something up for me? Tell her I'm not feeling well."
"Yeah, all right."
Tifa climbed down out of the truck and walked off into the rain. Aeris watched her go, then tapped Cloud on the shoulder and suggested, "Why don't we stretch our legs a little?"
They went, too, but Yuffie climbed up to sit down on the edge of the bench, as far as she could be from Barret without being outside. She folded her arms and looked away, but she could feel him looking at her for a minute longer before she heard the line ringing faintly.
He didn't put it on speaker this time, and Yuffie couldn't make out Marlene's words over the patter of rain on the roof. She was just a tiny, indistinct voice on the other end.
"Hey, baby girl," Barret said to her, and after a beat he went on, "Nah, it's just me. We had a rough day yesterday, Tifa's feelin' pretty tired. ... Yeah. There was this bad man, wanted to hurt a lot o' people, but Tifa stopped him, mostly on 'er own. She was real brave."
Barret's voice grew tight as he said it, and Yuffie glanced at him. Not exactly a lie there, and she wondered why Tifa couldn't get on board with it. But like hell was she going to go out and try to drag Tifa back here. She'd done as much as she could.
The rest of the conversation was super boring, like Yuffie always figured they were. Even just hearing Barret's side, she could tell the rest was just dumb kid stuff. Things that only seemed important when you were four. But that was how it was supposed to be.
Finally they said their goodbyes and Barret hung up.
"Dunno why you're on my case allova sudden," he said, "but thanks for lookin' out for my girl."
Yuffie shrugged. "Yeah, well. I know what it's like having your dad away all the time."
"Ain't you the one who's away?"
"I mean growing up," Yuffie clarified. "He was always at the front, and like... I missed him, I guess."
"Yeah. I miss her, too."
"He turned out to be a huge ass, though. I don't miss him at all now."
Barret looked skeptical, but he didn't say anything about it. "Right. Well, 'preciate you helpin' me avoid that."
"...you're welcome," Yuffie said, realizing just how weird it was that he'd listened to her on this. Her dad would've yelled right back, really stuck to that 'none of her business' line. She knew she was wrong sometimes, but Godo never admitted when he made a mistake, so she'd stopped ceding any ground either.
"Y'know, you oughtta meet her someday," said Barret.
Yuffie blinked at him. "Uh... I'm not great with kids."
"Marlene ain't just any kid," Barret said. "She's special. Bet she'd think you're pretty cool."
Usually it annoyed her to hear the pride in his voice whenever he talked about his daughter, but this wasn't so bad. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. She's been growin' up with some other tough ladies, after all."
Yuffie suppressed a smile at the compliment and glanced out into the rain where the others had disappeared. "...Tifa's gonna be okay, right?"
Barret frowned, but he nodded. "She's been through a lot. This ain't gonna be the thing that breaks her. She just needs a little time to sort herself out."
"I think I can get that."
"You doin' all right? Yesterday weren't no picnic for you either."
"I'm okay," Yuffie said, and she almost said something. The thought came into her head to mention how he'd looked out for her, to thank him for it, but it seemed so sappy, and it stuck in her throat.
"Awright," said Barret. "Just figured I'd check, since you're checkin' up on me."
Yuffie nodded, and she hopped up. "Guess we oughtta get the others back."
"Yeah. Probably didn't go far."
They abandoned the truck not far outside of Costa del Sol; it was a Shinra port, and they didn't need to draw any attention with their obviously stolen military vehicle. They were drenched by the time they reached the town, and Yuffie led the way to the same cheap inn they'd stayed at before. The innkeeper recognized them--they were pretty memorable--and Yuffie saw him glancing around for any sign of their 'dog' as he handed over the room keys.
"The rest of the weirdos are comin' later," Yuffie told him.
Barret dropped his bag in the hall outside their rooms and turned to Tifa. "You all go on an' get settled in. I'm gonna see if I can track us down some tickets for that boat."
"All right," said Tifa.
Yuffie looked between her and Aeris and then pushed her bag at Tifa. "I'm gonna go with him," she decided. "He's gonna intimidate those tour people by himself."
No one protested it, and as Yuffie walked off with Barret, she confided, "Those two need to talk."
"You made this your day to look after everybody, huh?" Barret remarked, without sarcasm. "Hope it does 'em both some good."
"Yeah," Yuffie agreed. "Me, too."
Looking after people was kind of a pain in the ass. She'd be glad when Tifa and Aeris were back to normal, and Jessie was back to just be a relatively normal person. Nanaki, too. Yuffie needed some people around she could count on to keep their distance from the drama.