Chapter 20

The others' search of the village turned up six more of the so-called clones, but none of them were Zack. They weren't in all of the houses, but too many of them, and Shinra's staff acted like they didn't even exist.

Tifa insisted on going to see each of them, but she wasn't able to snap any of them out of it the way she had Cloud, and it was so hard, to see them that way. She almost broke down when they took her to the Reiher children. They were huddled together in the replica of their house, older now but still so small in the folds of those black cloaks. The little boy still echoed his sister's words, even though all she would say now was 'Sephiroth.' Tifa wasn't surprised she couldn't get through to them; they'd been young enough that they might not have remembered her even if something awful hadn't befallen them. But it was heartbreaking.

She really thought she had a chance with Mr. Hirsch. His son had been one of her closest friends, and he'd been friends with her father in turn. Their two families had spent plenty of time together. Surely he'd known her at least as well as Cloud, the boy who had gotten into fights with her friends and hardly ever spoke to her. But nothing she said worked on him either.

Cloud didn't go back into any of the buildings with her. He'd already tried a few times in his own way, and Aeris confided privately that his eyes had gone a little glassy, like the other 'clones' were more likely to sway him than the other way around. He waited uneasily in the square, searching Tifa's face each time she came back outside.

Disappointed each time.

"It ain't your fault, Tifa," Barret said after the last one. "Don't even go there."

"I just... what can we even do for them?"

"We can't take them with us," said Jessie. "There are too many of them."

Nanaki spoke up. "I have a suggestion."

"Let's hear it," said Barret.

"I think we ought to take Cloud to Cosmo Canyon and let the doctors there assess his condition. If they're able to do anything for him, they could return here to help the others."

"That's... not a bad idea," Tifa said.

"You really think they could help, Nanaki?" said Aeris.

"I don't know," he admitted. "But my grandfather ought to know something about Mako poisoning, and some of the most learned people in the world gather there."

"How do you feel about it, Cloud?" Tifa asked, looking to him.

He met her gaze only briefly before dropping his eyes. "...I want to get better," he said.

"Awright," Barret said. "We oughtta get movin' then." He nodded to the south, and Tifa followed his gaze. Going in and out of houses, she hadn't noticed, but the horizon was dark with distant storm clouds.

"Should we be travelling into that?" Jessie asked uncertainly. "I know we didn't want to stay here, but..."

"It's farmland to the south of here," Tifa said. "Hopefully we can find someone willing to put us up until the storm passes."

"I'm not sure we'd get there fast enough," Yuffie said skeptically. "Not that I have a problem getting rained on when the other option's staying in this crappy place."

Tifa's eyes fell on the only truck in town, sitting outside the replica of Mr. Kiefer's house. Of course, it probably wasn't really his truck either. "Let's see if they put any gas in that thing," she suggested.

"Oh, good idea," said Aeris.

"I still vote for getting rained on," said Yuffie as she trailed after them.

The keys had been left carelessly on the driver's seat, Shinra's actors trying to emulate the trust of small town people, Tifa supposed. The truck started without trouble, and the fuel gauge read about half full.

"Hey, Vincent," said Aeris. "Any chance you know how to drive?"

Tifa looked at her out the open door of the truck. "Is this a critique of my driving?"

"Don't get me wrong, you did great getting us out of Midgar, but..."

"Not the smoothest ride," Jessie finished.

"We were being chased," Tifa reminded them.

"I do know how to drive," Vincent offered mildly. "If it's necessary."

Tifa shrugged and climbed out of the truck, deciding she might as well leave it to him. It wasn't like she exactly enjoyed driving.

"I call shotgun!" Yuffie exclaimed, making for the passenger side before Vincent had even gotten into the truck.

"You want to sit up front with Vincent?" Jessie asked in surprise.

"If I have to ride in this thing, I am not getting tossed around in the back."

"Anyone mind if I squeeze up there with her?" Jessie asked, looking around at the rest of them.

Tifa shook her head. "Someone'll have to. It's gonna be a little crowded back here."

It was snug, five of them sitting in the truck bed with their gear, but it wasn't too bad. Aeris sat close beside her, and, remembering what Jessie had said, Tifa put an arm around her shoulders, trying to seem casual. Aeris leaned into her without remarking on it.

Vincent started the truck again and backed them out into the road without crashing into anything, already proving himself the better driver. They turned south, and if Tifa leaned her head back, she could see the storm clouds ahead, tinged with red as the sun had begun to set. But it was like Yuffie had said; she'd rather drive straight into that than stay in Nibelheim another minute.

As they drove into the farmlands, it was plain that some of the fields had been left untended, and they found the farmhouse overlooking them abandoned. Tifa wondered for how long. Maybe the people living here had heard about the Nibelheim massacre, and left for fear of anything like it befalling them.

Of course there was no electricity in a house like this, but they found some candles and an oil lantern. They gathered what chairs they could find around the kitchen table, and there weren't quite enough of them, but Vincent elected to stand. Jessie and Aeris wiped the dust off the furniture with some old rags, while Barret helped Tifa clean out the old wood-burning stove before the storm hit.

The storm brought twilight early, and darkness was already gathering outside as Tifa got the stove lit to cook up some of their provisions. Wind whistled in through cracks in the wall of the house, and it rustled the trees in the yard. It put Tifa in mind of her childhood, watching thunderstorms through her bedroom windows as she sat safe in her mother's arms. Her father had never liked them, too practical about the danger, but for a few years after her mother had died, he'd sat on her bed and watched them with her.

"So," said Barret as they all settled down, "what'd you guys find out in that mansion?"

And they told him, and Cloud, about the Jenova Project, and about the experiment that Hojo had started five years ago with the survivors of Nibelheim. Barret asked some questions, but Cloud sat silently through it all, looking pale and uneasy. Tifa watched him carefully, but though he jumped sometimes at the crash of thunder, he didn't freak out or slip back into his earlier catatonia.

"Do you... remember any of that, Cloud?" Aeris asked him at the end.

He shook his head slowly. "Not... really." He hesitated, and they waited for him to find his words. "It doesn't sound wrong, though. You say Hojo, and I don't remember ever meeting him, but I know who that is."

"And you don't remember what happened to Zack?"

"...I just feel like he's always been there, 'til lately."

Tifa looked to Aeris. "At least that means he survived, right?"

Aeris nodded. "Yeah. I wanted to believe it before, but I have a lot more hope now. So... thank you, Cloud."

Cloud scratched his head awkwardly.

The worst of the storm had passed while they shared what they'd learned at the Shinra mansion, but thunder still rumbled in the distance, making itself known in the quiet pauses.

"Cloud..." Tifa faltered. "At this point, I'm pretty sure I know the answer, but... you were there, five years ago, weren't you?"

"...yeah."

"And you came to the reactor?"

He nodded, glanced at her chest, and looked down. "I was too late, though. You and Zack were both... I thought you were a goner."

Tifa smiled gently. "I guess we both made it, somehow."

"You remember anything 'bout what happened to Sephiroth at that reactor?" Barret asked.

"I... remember Zack told me to finish him," Cloud said, and he spread his hands, shaking his head. "But I'm... me. There's no way I was any match for Sephiroth."

"But Zack could've been," said Aeris. "They were both 1st Class, right?"

"Sephiroth was... a whole other level," said Cloud. "I'm sorry. I really can't tell you what happened."

"Does it matter?" said Yuffie. "Whatever anybody did to Sephiroth five years ago, it's not gonna help us any. He's not dead, so it obviously didn't do the trick."

"Five years is still a long time to be out of commission," said Jessie. "If Zack did that, then we could really use him as an ally, wherever he is."

"Ain't gonna be much help if he's like the rest of 'em," said Barret.

Tifa shot him a look, and he scratched his head. Cloud folded his arms close about himself, as though trying to take up even less space.

"Don't worry, Cloud," Tifa said. "If you can come out of it, I'm sure Zack can, too."

"It's not that," he said. "I'm... You're acting like I'm just sick, but I've got Jenova in me, right? Like Sephiroth."

"That doesn't make you like him."

He looked up at her, shaking his head emphatically. "You don't know that. When Sephiroth found out, he went crazy. What if I... What if I'm dangerous? What if I hurt you?"

"That doesn't seem very likely to me," Tifa said.

"Yeah," Yuffie agreed. "I mean, I bet I could take you blindfolded."

That wasn't exactly what Tifa meant, and she cast Yuffie a wry look.

"Considering he's been exposed to both Jenova and Mako, he may be stronger than he appears," Nanaki put in. "However, I doubt you could be a match for all seven of us."

"Um," said Tifa, "I really don't expect to have to fight you, Cloud, but he's probably right, if it makes you feel any better."

He still looked worried, so probably it didn't.

"I don't think Sephiroth's the one you should be comparing yourself to anyway," Jessie offered. "After all, he had Jenova in him from birth. It was always part of him, not a foreign substance like it is with you."

"We don't know what that could mean either," said Cloud.

"Well, we do a little," Jessie said. "Lucrecia got sick from the Jenova cells, but the records indicate she started to recover a few months after giving birth to Sephiroth. If we could find out where she went after the Jenova Project, if she's alive today--that might give us some idea of what to expect for you long term, Cloud."

Vincent had been a motionless presence in the shadows of the kitchen throughout their discussion, but at the mention of finding Lucrecia, he shifted, his attention focused intently on Jessie.

"A few months," Cloud repeated. "But I... You said it's been five years."

"Right," said Jessie, "but Hojo kept you under for most of that time. Plus you were badly injured when the whole thing started."

Cloud said nothing, touching his chest where the tear in his old uniform had been.

"It may be, actually, that the Jenova cells are what saved your life," said Nanaki.

"What do you mean?" Tifa asked, frowning.

"Gast observed in them a remarkable ability for regeneration. When he first discovered the Jenova organism, he believed it to be dead. However, once removed from the ice, it was as though the creature began to spontaneously reverse that necrosis..."

Tifa shook her head slowly. "You're not telling me it's immortal."

"Perhaps not immortal, but certainly very difficult to kill."

"Which is why it must have spelled the end for the Cetra..." Aeris murmured. Her eyes were on her clasped hands atop the table, her brow furrowed. Was she worried, Tifa wondered, that the same fate might befall her as it had her ancestors?

Tifa remembered the day she'd first told the others about Nibelheim, thinking as she began her story that it had nothing to do with them. Now, maybe it had even more to do with Aeris than it did with her. Sephiroth had destroyed Tifa's home, but Jenova's crimes stretched back untold generations. It had left Aeris not as the sole survivor of one day's massacre but of a genocide.

"But you're still here," Tifa said. "Jenova wasn't the end of the Cetra, and it's not going to be the end of the Planet. We're going to stop it, and Sephiroth."

"That's great and all," said Yuffie, "but how?"

Tifa hesitated. How indeed? They'd gained some allies, and they knew a lot more today than they had yesterday, but she still didn't have any kind of plan.

"We ain't gonna figure that out right this second," said Barret. "It's been a long-ass day, and we got a lotta new shit rattlin' around in our heads. Gonna take time for it to settle. We'll head to Cosmo Canyon tomorrow, and we'll get ourselves sorted. Then we can work on a plan."

Tifa smiled at him appreciatively. "Yeah. You're right."

They dispersed to find themselves places to settle down for the night. The beds were nowhere near clean enough to sleep in, but the farmhouse had enough rooms to afford them more privacy than they'd grown used to. Tifa caught up to Aeris in one of the smaller bedrooms. A candle sat on the nightstand, lending a small but warm glow to the abandoned room.

"Are you all right?" Tifa asked.

Aeris straightened from laying out her bedroll and turned to look at her, cocking her head to the side. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"I mean, I'm not, but... We got some answers, and we're out of Nibelheim. I think the worst is behind me."

"I'd ask if you wanted to talk about it, but that's all we've been doing."

Tifa nodded. "Yeah. I think I'm about talked out."

Aeris looked at her, and she smiled softly, that smile that said she had a secret. She walked past Tifa to the door, and closed it behind them. "Let's not talk then," she said.

That was good, Tifa thought, because a million questions at once leapt into her mind, and she had no idea how to express any of them. But Aeris gently took her sleeping bag from her arms and laid it out on the floor right next to her own. She sat down, and patted the space beside her.

Tifa joined her, watching her face uncertainly. "Aeris, I..."

"I just want to be close to someone right now. There's so much I don't know about myself. I want to feel like someone knows me."

Tifa nodded. "I know you," she said.

She found Aeris's hand atop the bedroll, and Aeris leaned in and kissed her, softly at first, and then seeming to melt into her, in a way Tifa hadn't known was possible. Aeris's fingers slid through her hair and came to rest on her neck, pulling her closer, pulling Tifa down on top of her as she laid back.

It was too much. Their lips parted. "I can't..." Tifa began.

"I know. I know, I'm not ready either. I just want this." Aeris leaned up and kissed her again. "Just this, okay?"

'Just'? Tifa wondered. Like it was something small and inconsequential, instead of everything. It was enough to fill her whole world right now--and she understood, that was what Aeris wanted. A world that was just this, just for a little while, just for now. For as long as Tifa could give it to her.

Tifa leaned back down, and that was her world for a while, too. Aeris's lips, and Aeris's hands in her hair, down her back, cautiously tracing the sides of her breasts. Aeris's body warm beneath her, glimpses of her green eyes in the candlelight. Tifa hadn't known much about kissing when they started, but Aeris made sure she learned.

Eventually, eventually, Tifa got up long enough to blow out the candle. She lay back down beside Aeris, who pressed up against her. Tifa put an arm around her.

Everything's going to be all right, she thought, but she didn't say it, because it wasn't about words right now.

She scarcely lay awake at all before sleep found her, and she woke in the morning as light drifted in through a gap in the curtains.

Aeris was still asleep in her arms. The reality of that in the daylight made her heart thud in her chest. Of everything that had happened yesterday, that stood out as the most incredible, the most unbelievable thing. She traced a finger over her lips at the memory of it.

Aeris stirred. Her eyes found Tifa's from beneath her lashes and she smiled. "Morning, Tifa."

"M-morning."

Aeris made no move to get up, but instead snuggled closer, tucking her head beneath Tifa's chin. "Thanks," she said, "for last night."

"...I needed it, too," said Tifa.

"Mm. I thought so. But you knew that I... Yesterday was a lot, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Barret's right. It's going to take some time to make sense of it all. We talked through all the facts, but it's like it's still too much for my head right now."

"We'll figure it out. Just take it a little bit at a time."

"Ahhh... I think the smallest thing is getting up, but I don't want to!"

Tifa smiled as Aeris tried to burrow somehow even closer. "Want me to carry you?" she offered.

Aeris giggled into her chest and pulled back just enough to look at her. "Would you? Just carry me around all morning, no explanation to the others."

"That'd really be something for Jessie's pool."

"Pool?"

"She was joking about starting a pool for what it'll take before Yuffie figures out we're dating," Tifa explained.

"Ohh... I'm not sure that'd do it. I think she'll need to see us kiss."

"Jessie already called making out."

"Well... I say a chaste kiss, then. I don't think she's that oblivious, I think she just doesn't care."

"You wanna test that theory?"

Aeris's face split into a grin. "Oh, you're getting bold now, aren't you?"

Tifa blushed. "It's just one little kiss," she said.

Aeris shifted and gave her a peck on the lips. "Like that? I think maybe we should practice, we didn't really do 'chaste' last night."

Tifa thought practice sounded nice, but a loud knock made her start.

"You two up yet?" Barret called through the door. "Jessie's almost got breakfast ready."

"Be there in a minute!" Tifa called back hurriedly, not wanting him to walk in on them.

"Show time," Aeris whispered, giving Tifa another quick kiss before she at last started to extricate herself.

They packed up their bedrolls and headed out to the kitchen. Most of the others were already there. Barret was reorganizing some of their gear, while Yuffie sat yawning at the table with Nanaki near her feet. Vincent stood in the corner, but a different corner from before, so at least he hadn't been there all night.

Jessie was at the stove, and she caught Tifa's eye inquisitively as she walked in with Aeris. 'Kissing,' Tifa mouthed to her, and she nodded in satisfaction.

"You need any help, Jessie?" Tifa asked aloud.

"Nah, you just relax. I'm almost done."

In a few minutes, she was distributing the food onto their camping plates. Tifa passed one to Aeris, who, casual as anything, leaned in to give her a kiss.

"Thanks, Tifa."

"Gross," said Yuffie almost immediately. "You guys really gotta do that in front of me this early in the morning?"

Aeris and Jessie both burst out laughing, and Barret chuckled. Tifa was still a few seconds behind, caught in that moment where Aeris kissed her in front of everyone.

"Looks like I was right," Aeris declared.

"Oh, you were betting, too?" said Jessie.

"Betting on what?" Yuffie demanded.

"I thought it would take more than that for you to get it," Jessie explained.

"What? You made bets about that?"

"Nobody gave me a chance to get in on it," said Barret.

"Sorry," said Aeris, though she certainly didn't sound it. "I guess I kind of cheated."

Yuffie pouted. "I thought it was for pretend. You know, with the whole tour group thing? Wait, you're not gonna tell me you and Barret are really dating, are you?" she asked, pointing between him and Jessie.

"Oh, no," said Jessie, and for some reason she glanced at Vincent. "That was for pretend."

"Okay, good," Yuffie said. "Anything else going on I should know about?"

Tifa exchanged glances with Jessie. "Not that I know of," she said.

They finished setting the plates out on the table, and Tifa stepped back. Someone was still missing.

"Where's Cloud?" she asked.

The others exchanged uncertain glances, and it soon became apparent that the answer from everyone was the same: he hadn't slept in the same room as any of them, and no one had seen him since last night's discussion.

Tifa swallowed her anxiety and asked them to do a quick check of the house, but she found him almost right away as she stepped out onto the porch. He sat with his legs over the edge, hunched forward with his arms across his knees and his head down.

"Cloud?" she said.

He glanced up at her, and she let out a quiet breath of relief. "Oh, Tifa. Hi."

"How long have you been out here?"

He didn't answer, and she moved to sit down beside him, peering carefully into his face. He looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes.

"...all night?" she said.

He nodded.

"You really couldn't sleep?"

Cloud didn't answer right away. "...I'm scared," he admitted at last. "If I go to sleep... what if I... don't really wake up?"

Tifa bit her lip. What a horrible thing to have to fear. Getting lost again in that haze she'd found him in. "I'll be here," she offered, "right?"

Cloud glanced at her again. "Yeah, but... I don't wanna go there again, at all. I feel like... I wasn't me."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how else I can help."

"That's okay. It's not really your job."

"My job?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"I mean... you don't have to feel so responsible for me. It's not your fault what happened, and I'm just your neighbor from a long time ago."

"Maybe that means more than you think it does."

"Huh?"

"I know we weren't close growing up, and maybe that's my fault for not reaching out, but I feel like we should've been friends. I don't know why you didn't say anything when you came back five years ago."

Cloud faltered. "I was probably being stupid," he admitted, "but I was... ashamed."

"Ashamed?" Tifa sat back in surprise. "Of what?"

"Well, I left home saying I was going to join SOLDIER. And then I couldn't cut it."

"A lot of people don't make it into SOLDIER," she pointed out.

"I know. But I really wanted to prove that I could... be somebody."

"You don't have to prove anything like that to me."

Unexpectedly, Cloud let out a soft laugh. "Yeah. I guess not," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she wondered.

"Well, uh..." Cloud scratched his head. "Barret told me, you're with Aeris?"

Tifa stared at him for a second. "Oh," she said. He really had had a crush on her? "Um, yeah. She's my... girlfriend." It was the first time she'd said it herself, but she didn't see any other way to put it, after last night. She felt her cheeks heating.

"That's nice," said Cloud. "I'm glad you have someone. And I mean, I don't want you to think I'm still-- That was a long time ago."

"All right then," said Tifa. Whether it was true or not, she'd take him at his word. She didn't want to embarrass him. "So, what else did Barret tell you?"

"...his daughter seems really talented," Cloud said, and Tifa laughed.

"I thought that might happen," she said. "Barret's not the greatest conversationalist, but he can always talk about Marlene."

"He told me how you guys met, too. And a little about AVALANCHE. It sounds like you've done a lot with your life, these past five years."

Tifa was sure he didn't mean to sound envious, but it was still there in his voice. He'd had those five years stolen from him. She put a hand on his shoulder. "You've got time now," she said.

"...I hope so."

"I know so," she said, and maybe she didn't, but she wanted to believe it, and she wanted him to believe it, too.

She thought he probably saw through that, but he said, "Thanks, Tifa."

"Now, you want to come in for some breakfast?"

Cloud nodded, and Tifa gave him a hand up to go back inside.

"Everything all right?" Aeris asked.

Tifa glanced at Cloud. "More or less," she said.

"Maybe breakfast'll help," Jessie suggested. "You look tired, Cloud."

"Thanks," he said, taking a seat at the table. Realizing everyone's eyes were on him, he glanced up shyly and added, "Sorry if I worried everyone."

"That's all right," said Jessie. "We do a lot of worrying about each other around here."

"That, and they try to get you to join AVALANCHE," Yuffie put in around a mouthful.

Tifa slid into a chair, arching an eyebrow at Yuffie. "Without much success, apparently."

Aeris nudged her from the seat next to her. "You got me. I'm a proud AVALANCHE member."

Tifa smiled.

"Little too soon to extend invites to you two," Barret said, looking from Cloud to Vincent, "but we'll see how it goes."

"Isn't that up to Tifa?" said Yuffie, and they all looked at her. "What? She's in charge, right?"

Tifa blinked. "What, me?"

"Y'know..." said Barret thoughtfully, "you been callin' the shots lately, Teef. An' doin' a pretty good job, I'd say."

"I had assumed you were the leader as well," Nanaki admitted.

"Um..." Tifa pushed back her hair. "I don't think it really matters, does it?"

"Sometimes you gotta call a thing what it is," said Barret. "You got everybody lookin' to you... might as well make it official."

"Are you really all right with that?"

"Long as it's you... Yeah, I ain't got no problem with that. I'll be your right-hand man. Whatever you need."

"Well, if Barret's on board, then I'm all for it," said Jessie.

Aeris smiled at her. "Looks like congratulations are in order, Miss Leader."

They really were all looking to her. Barret and Jessie, who'd been a part of this with her for years. Aeris, with her unwavering support from day one. Yuffie and Nanaki, seeing this as just a confirmation of what they'd already believed. Even Vincent and Cloud, new to the group, their positions not yet cemented... She couldn't read Vincent's expression, but Cloud's was soft, almost a smile.

The idea of leading them all would have been overwhelming, if they hadn't said she was already doing it, if she didn't know she had them to back her up. It was never anything Barret had done alone either.

"Thanks, everyone," Tifa said. "I'll do my best."


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