Silly Fantasies
December 2024
It was hard to find a moment to yourself at Gold Saucer. The attractions stayed open well into the night, and every path thronged with people. Tifa guessed the ropeway being out didn't help matters, though the hotel was curiously empty. They'd been able to hold their meeting in the common room without interruption from anyone.
Now she tucked herself into a chair beneath the stairs, alone save for the projected ghosts at the chess board across the room. Still, it was hard to think. The place was crowded with strange decor that cast stranger shadows in the candlelight, constantly demanding her attention.
She didn't see Barret come down from above until he was standing almost right in front of her.
"You waitin' for somebody?" he asked.
"Oh, no. Just trying to find a little quiet."
"Huh... Would've figured maybe you'd be out with Cloud or somethin'. Thought I saw 'im head out a little while back."
Tifa nodded. "He's out with Aeris," she confirmed.
Barret gave her a sidelong look and then asked, cautiously, "You okay with that?"
"Aeris asked me that, too, you know," Tifa said with a laugh that didn't sound as lighthearted as she'd hoped. It wasn't that she was jealous, exactly. Not the way Barret thought. "It's not like he belongs to me. It was silly, anyhow."
"...silly to have feelings?" Barret asked. His wording was careful, accompanied by a skeptical raised eyebrow.
She shook her head. "I mean the reasons I felt like he did... belong."
Barret eased himself down into the chair beside hers. Taller than the hotel's average clientele, the gimmicky horns attached to the chair back were hidden behind his head. "Still ain't sure I agree," he said.
Tifa smiled briefly, and dropped her gaze into her lap. "I know, I'm not explaining it very well. I'm just figuring it out, really." She was quiet for a beat, while he waited. "We didn't actually know each other that well, when we were kids. When he went away, I imagined all kinds of things about him. And then when he showed up, after everything, it just seemed so impossible that it was like one of those fantasies."
"Big damn hero comin' to the rescue," Barret surmised.
"Yeah." Tifa tucked her hair back behind her ear. "I used to really dream about that."
"What, the world ain't got no heroes to sweep you off your feet no more?"
Her laugh at that was genuine. "I just... It's silly!"
"It ain't so bad to want silly things sometimes, long as you don't go around demandin' them from folks."
"Yeah," she said, sobering again. "I shouldn't have put that on him. I mean, I think he wants to be counted on, but it has to be for who he is. We're all still learning about that."
"Whether we want to or not," Barret added.
"Oh, come on."
Barret huffed, grinning. "Yeah, he ain't so bad. Dependable enough."
Tifa shook her head, smiling. But they didn't need to keep talking about Cloud. "What did you come down here for anyway? I thought you were planning to turn in early."
"Wanted to ask the staff if there's a way to turn off the damn thunder in the rooms. It ain't real, so there oughtta be on off switch, right?"
"Oh... Probably."
Barret waved his hand. "Never mind about that. You wanna get outta here?"
"Get out of here and do... what?" The ropeway was out, there was no leaving.
"Whatever! The place's an amusement park, ain't it?"
Tifa's eyes widened. "Oh, I couldn't do that to you. I know you hate this place."
He shrugged. "Yeah, well... I can sit around stewin' in it, or I can spend the time with a friend."
She smiled, and something in her eased. It wasn't that she was pining after Cloud, jealous of the attention Aeris commanded. It was more like what she'd felt, she realized, after all the boys had gone off to Midgar, or that night when the others had left for the No. 1 Reactor mission, leaving her behind. Cloud and Aeris were embarking on something new, maybe, something she wouldn't share in. She didn't want it, but she didn't want to feel stuck, by comparison.
"Okay," she said, accepting Barret's invitation.
When they reached the park hub, a staffer hailed them to tell them about a show about to start. They could still catch it if they hurried.
Tifa looked up at Barret. "How 'bout it?"
"Can't see as how they'll top Marlene's productions," Barret said, "but we can give it a try."
Tifa laughed. Marlene's little plays were adorable, but she was only four, and pinnacles of coherent story or moving drama they were not. Tifa had never seen a real play.
When they'd come before, Tifa had poked her head into the grand auditorium, but there'd been nothing showing at the time, the bright lights highlighting rows of empty seats and an empty stage.
Now, they entered to a murmur of conversation from an audience that filled the arena, leaving her and Barret to find seats in the gallery. The lights dimmed before they'd quite settled themselves, and the murmur of conversation faded with them. A narration began as the curtains slowly drew back from the stage.
Tifa bit back an incredulous laugh as they announced the legendary hero, and Cloud ran out onto stage. Barret slapped his knee and made no effort to stifle his loud guffaw. Cloud stared blankly out into the audience as one of the cast members prompted him for a line.
Some faerie tale hero indeed. She wondered how he'd been roped into it at all.
To their credit, the actors were skilled enough to work around his mute stage fright, but when Aeris made her debut as the princess, Tifa thought they might been better off swapping roles. At least she could get the lines out.
It was, on the whole, very silly. A silly fantasy.
The actors bowed, and the stage lights dimmed to scattered applause.
Reflecting that she probably still hadn't seen a real play, Tifa let out the laughter she'd been holding in. "Cloud really isn't much of an actor, is he?"
"He sure ain't," Barret chuckled. Then he got to his feet, cleared his throat, and offered her his hand. "My lady, would you grant me a boon, that being your company on this dangerous quest?"
Charmed, Tifa accepted. "Verily, I know you to be my truest friend, and would face any danger with you."
Barret grinned, but he turned quickly away as though embarrassed. They were just fooling around, weren't they? It was the sort of play-acting they'd do for Marlene. Only Marlene wasn't here.
They returned to the colorful lights of the central hub, and Barret turned to her. "What now?"
"Hmm... Let's try the roller coaster! They have a shooting gimmick I bet you'll be really good at."
"You tried it before?"
Tifa shook her head. "I was in line for it when... Well, I saw Shinra soldiers running by, and I thought I'd better find everybody."
"...they were lookin' for Dyne," Barret recalled.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up."
"S'okay." She watched him stretch his shoulders back, fighting the slump that recalling Corel always brought, and she wanted to take his hand again. "Let's go try this thing!" he declared.
The line was shorter this time, the hour growing too late for the kids who clamored for the more exciting rides. Tifa waited for the attendant to lock them into the seats, then reached for the toy laser gun as the ride cranked forward.
Jessie had taught her to shoot, years ago, a skill Tifa had grudgingly conceded might be useful to know. Even if she never used guns herself, the people around her did, allies and enemies alike. She'd learned the basics of all her friends' weapons, Barret's gun-arm included.
It felt a little funny to hold a toy gun, lightweight and harmless. It had been all swords with her friends growing up. She wondered what Barret's experience had been in Corel, if he and Dyne had mimed finger guns at each other and fallen down laughing. There'd been good years before it was all gone, right?
He never talked about it, but then, neither did she. She wondered if it would make the grieving any easier on both of them if they did.
But this wasn't the time for it. She lifted her toy laser to fire at the projected ghosts and cacti and tiny spaceships. She was sure she missed most of them, tracking too slow on the moving targets and distracted by the rush of speed every time they tipped over a hill, but a lot of them popped anyway as Barret's beam struck them.
A light was flashing at the booth as they got off, highlighting their score of just over 3000 points.
"Hey, that ain't bad for a first run!" Barret declared.
"Congratulations!" the attendant said as they approached. "You scored high enough for a prize."
Tifa blinked as the woman handed her a small box with a little figurine inside, styled with an unfortunately familiar uniform.
Barret's grin faded. "The hell's that?"
"It's a toy soldier, designed at 1/35th scale! They're very popular collectibles this year, with 12 total in the set."
"You got anything else?" Barret asked, grimacing. "How 'bout a cute ghost or one o' them little planes you got flyin' around the ride?"
"I- I'm afraid that's all I have here in the booth."
Barret leaned his arm on the counter, peering into the depths of the booth. "That right?"
"Sir, please."
Recognizing Barret's mood, Tifa handed the soldier back with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, you can just keep this."
Barret turned to her. "Hey, don't do that. We won somethin' fair an' square!"
"How about this!" the attendant interjected hurriedly. "I'll let you exchange it for GP, and you can take that on over to Wonder Square. They'll have more options for you there."
"Yeah? Awright, let's do that."
The attendant's shoulders sagged with relief, and Tifa smiled again as she accepted the GP tokens. "Thank you so much."
Barret was already a few paces ahead of her on the way to Wonder Square. He shook his head as Tifa caught him up. "Can't believe they're givin' out that crap here. I know Shinra owns the place, but I didn't think they were shovin' their military propaganda into it."
"They're just toys," Tifa said. "I've seen kids playing with stuff like that in the slums, they don't really think about it."
He glanced at her. "Some of 'em do."
"...yeah. I guess some of them do."
They stepped through into the lobby of Wonder Square, and Barret nodded in satisfaction at the rows of plush toys on display. "Yeah, we oughtta be able to find you somethin' better here."
Tifa blinked. "Me?"
"Who else?"
"I thought maybe this was for Marlene..."
"Oh, uh..." Barret scratched his head. "Well, sure, but this's your night."
"It is?"
"...yeah?"
Tifa rocked on her heels, reflecting on Barret's harassment of the booth attendant. He hadn't wanted Tifa settling for less than she deserved. But, still... "I don't really need a toy," she admitted. "But it would be nice to get one for her, and then we can look forward to giving it to her."
"...yeah," Barret agreed. They stood together contemplating the toy display, and he went on, "Not sure how I feel 'bout the idea of bringin' her here. It's the kind o' place you bring a kid, an' I bet she'd like some o' the games an' seein' those chocobo races. Awful lotta people, though, and..."
"And there are better places to take her," Tifa finished, "that don't have so much swept under the rug."
Barret nodded.
Tifa checked the cost against the GP the attendant had given them and pointed to a little pink chocobo on the end. "How about that one?"
Barret gave an approving chuckle. "Yeah, I bet she'd love that. Never saw no pink ones in Midgar."
Tifa stepped up to exchange for it, and turned the little plush doll over in her hands. Marlene had had a yellow one, before, second-hand when she got it and now buried somewhere in Sector 7's rubble. This one was clean and new, with a little name tag introducing it as Mini Meg.
"I wonder if Elmyra's gotten her anything," she mused. She hadn't thought to look for toys, the night they'd spent in Aeris's house. She remembered mostly the dust on her clothes and the scent of flowers.
"Probably, if she could," Barret reasoned.
"Sometimes I think about getting things for the both of them, as if we're on the kind of trip where you bring back souvenirs."
"I know whatcha mean. This little guy won't take up too much space in the meantime, though, an' once everything's done, we can do some real travellin.'"
Tifa looked up at him. "You think?"
"Yeah! Marlene oughtta see the world and go campin' out underneath the stars. We been runnin' around all over the place... I never saw much outside o' Corel or Midgar before, an' there's so much to see. I wanna get the chance to really soak it in."
"You sound like Aeris," she observed.
Barret cocked his head. "That a bad thing?"
Tifa shook her head. "No. I wish I was better at imagining the future."
"Gets easier when you got someone to imagine it with. An' I bet Marlene'd love havin' you along."
Like a family vacation, she thought, and then she wondered what that made her, exactly. Every time she'd been mistaken for Marlene's mother, she'd laughed it off without giving it much thought. She and Barret were friends, of course, but was that how he pictured them on this trip?
Just to try it out, she imagined them together on this hypothetical vacation, being mistaken for a couple with their daughter. Maybe it was a little silly, but it was an easy fantasy to fall into without changing a thing about either of them. In her imagination, Barret was Barret, and not a simulacrum.
She smiled. "I'd like that. And we can all pick out souvenirs together."
Barret grinned. "There you go."
They walked back to the hotel together, and Tifa wondered how far ahead a future like that would have to be. They stopped outside the room she shared with Aeris and Yuffie.
"Maybe," she began, "we could do this again sometime. Someplace with less baggage."
Barret answered readily, "For sure, we all gotta celebrate once we beat Sephiroth's ass."
He'd been so careful of her feelings all night, and even now he was giving her an out. The others would have thought he was being dense, but he was letting her know: this didn't have to be a date, she didn't have to commit to anything.
Why wouldn't she commit to her best friend, the one constant in her life these past few years?
She worked up the courage to look him in the eye. "No, I meant. Just you and me."
"...I'd be into that," he said.
She couldn't help smiling again at his caution. Maybe it wasn't only for her. She was new at this, but for him it was a dance he hadn't done for a long time. For all his brazenness in everything else, he needed to take this slow just as much as she did.
"Thanks for tonight. It made me feel... special."
"Well, good, that's how you oughtta feel."
Tifa laughed a little and then said, "You, too, you know." As he stood there not quite knowing how to shrug that off, she leaned up on her tip-toes and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night."
"...g'night," he managed.
And then Tifa ducked quickly inside the room and leaned back against the door, heart racing at her tiny stroke of boldness. She sure wasn't thinking of anyone else anymore.