Chapter 2
But they were too late, and it was a while before they hit anywhere settled. They dragged themselves into Icicle Inn exhausted, freezing, and grief-stricken.
They never had the money for enough rooms, enough beds. Barret didn't notice until he woke the next morning that Vincent had slept sitting on the floor, his back to Barret's bed. His hand rested loosely on his gun holster, as though he'd meant to keep watch, but apparently even he had his limits.
He stirred as Barret sat up.
"I'm up for now," Barret murmured to him as he swung his feet to the floor. "You take the bed for a while."
One good thing about Vincent's taciturn nature was that he wasn't inclined to argue about stupid shit. He took the bed.
Barret left the room and made his way slowly downstairs to the lobby. A lethargy clung to his steps, but not, he thought, from physical exhaustion. He sat down at a table by the window and looked out into the snow-laden town beyond.
What would Aeris have made of snow?
His hand clenched atop the table, but he caught the innkeeper behind the desk watching him, so he just sat there trembling and silent with his fingers digging into his palm. What was it all for, if the people who most deserved to see a bright future didn't make it there?
He didn't know what Aeris had been trying to do. He did know it was Cloud who'd scared her off, but he'd really thought it was something they could deal with. Until the moment Sephiroth had appeared, he'd been so sure of hearing her voice again. She'd make light of going off on her own like that, and tease them for coming after her. He could picture an alternative, happy reunion so clear in his head.
Chased away every time by the memory of her lying there, pale and utterly still.
Eventually he pushed himself up from the table and made his way downstairs to the pub, intending to get some food in his stomach. Cid was already seated at the counter, listlessly pushing bits of vegetable around in a bowl of soup. An ashtray beside him held only one cigarette, seemingly forgotten.
Barret sat down next to him and ordered the same because reading the menu on the wall felt like too much effort.
"Didn't figure on you bein' an early riser," he said.
"It's one in the afternoon," Cid replied, nodding to a clock on the wall.
"Oh."
"Don't really matter, I guess."
Barret shook his head. "First rest we had in a while."
Cid glanced at him. "The others still out?"
"Far as I know."
"Better to let 'em," Cid decided, returning his attention to his soup. "Soon as they're up, they're gonna wanna haul ass."
Barret didn't say anything. He knew they needed to, knew they had to catch up to Sephiroth in time, but he also knew they were running themselves ragged. Cloud had been on the edge of a total breakdown for a while now, and at this rate, the rest of them weren't far behind.
But if they didn't push themselves, then Sephiroth summoned Meteor and that was the end of it.
So when his soup came, he ate mechanically, knowing he'd need the fuel. He packed away a second bowl, and got up to head out for supplies. Cid, who'd never made it to the bottom of his first serving, joined him. They didn't talk much beyond discussing what might be useful. They came away with heavier coats, provisions, maps, climbing gear.
By the time they got it all back to the inn, the others were awake. Cloud wanted to leave immediately, but Tifa, ever practical even now, persuaded him they all needed a good meal and a shower first. They filed downstairs to the pub.
"I'm gonna join 'em," Cid said. "I gotta get somethin' warm in me."
Barret nodded, hefted the last load of gear, and headed up to their room.
Vincent was still there. Out of bed, just standing at the window looking out. The white silhouetted him like some gothic figure, even though the room itself wasn't that dim.
Barret dropped his load onto an empty bed and set to sorting through it. They'd need to divvy it up according to who could carry the weight.
"...you aren't joining them?"
He glanced up. Vincent still stood facing the window, but he'd turned his head enough to watch Barret out of the corner of his eye.
"I already ate," Barret said. "'sides, someone's gotta get this sorted."
He started with the girls, laying out their stuff on what had been Cloud's bed. Nothing heavy to add to Yuffie's pack, but Tifa could take more, and she'd be offended if he tried to go easy on her.
Vincent turned away from the window, approaching the bed. "Tifa usually handles this."
"Tifa's got enough to deal with right now," Barret stated. She and Aeris had been close, and now whatever was going on with Cloud had her scared in a way she couldn't--or wouldn't--explain.
Vincent joined him, dividing up the climbing gear. "...I heard that when AVALANCHE was based in Midgar, you were its leader," he remarked. "Now you make yourself Cloud's right hand."
Barret shrugged. "I admit, I wasn't too keen on it at first. Guy was growin' on me, but I didn't think he was cut out to lead anybody."
"...maybe he isn't."
Barret stopped and looked Vincent in the eye. If this was some kind of suggestion, then he didn't like it. "You don't say that to 'im right now," he said.
"Every man has his limit," Vincent said.
"Yeah. I'm tryin' to make sure he don't find his."
"Who keeps you from yours?"
Barret held his gaze a moment longer and then snorted. Maybe this was just how Vincent expressed concern. "You offerin'?" he asked. "Hell, you could be my right-hand man. Between the two of us, we at least got one good pair, huh?"
Vincent's expression was serious, as though Barret weren't joking. He sobered, his own mirth shallow and short-lived anyway. It wasn't just Tifa who usually parcelled out gear, but Tifa who held them together. Often, he realized now, at her own expense. She was trying to support Cloud even in her own grief, and Barret wanted to take as much off her shoulders as he could. As a leader, he'd wanted to be a rock for his people. It was still something he could try to offer.
"You holdin' up okay?" he asked Vincent.
"Fine," said Vincent. "I only needed a little sleep."
"It ain't just physical."
"I hardly knew her."
"Bullshit," Barret stated flatly.
Vincent hadn't been with them long enough to say he knew any of them well, but Aeris had had an effect on him, just like the rest of them. She'd always met people where they were at, ignoring any armor they thought they'd put up. She'd never been intimidated by Barret, she'd never bought Cloud's loner schtick, and she'd had Tifa giggling with her on the other side of the campfire like a pair of teens at a sleepover, with no responsibilities to anyone.
He'd seen her with Vincent, stepping up beside him while he stood watch and mimicking the stillness of his pose. She'd make a game of stoicism as long as it suited her, and talk to him once it didn't. Barret didn't know what they'd talked about, but he knew that Aeris had paid Vincent more attention than any of the rest of them had. He'd been no less worthy of it to her, and Barret doubted that was something Vincent was used to.
Vincent had retrieved his own pack and stood mechanically adding his share to it. "I've seen death before," he said.
"Uh-huh," Barret said. "Didn't you get so upset about the last one you put yourself in a coffin for 30 years?"
Vincent paused for an instant, and then resumed, saying nothing.
Barret let out a breath. "You can't get by pretendin' you don't feel nothin'. It'll just slam into you when you ain't prepared for it." He zipped up his own pack, heavy with provisions for the trek farther north. "I'm sad, an' I'm pissed. I know I need more of a break than we got here. But I can hold it together a while longer."
"...so can I," Vincent said quietly. "I suppose that's all I'm saying."
Barret looked at him, considering. "That I can tap you if I need to?"
Vincent nodded. He opened his mouth, closed it. Turned away on the pretext of retrieving Cid's pack. "...I don't want to fail the rest of you," he said.
"...yeah," said Barret. "Neither do I."
They finished in silence, and Barret considered maybe the two of them were the ones holding up the best. It wasn't saying much for the heavy feeling in his chest, and there were no answers for Aeris's death, but they knew what had to be done, so they'd do it.