Chapter 27
This time when she woke, Sephiroth was sitting at her bedside. He said nothing, and for a long moment she just looked at him. Then she remembered that this was reality, and she sat up. Vincent and Nanaki were both awake, seated on the next bed. She met Vincent's gaze and hesitated, not sure what to say. He seemed to know what she wanted anyway, and rose to leave. Nanaki followed hesitantly.
Aeris looked back at Sephiroth and wondered what she could possibly say to him now. "How long have you been here?" she asked finally.
"Five hours now."
"I'm surprised I didn't have nightmares."
There followed a short silence.
"Cid is all right," Sephiroth said awkwardly. "Reeve asked me to heal him."
She could not hide her relief. "That's good. I... guess you couldn't do anything about Cloud or Barret though."
"Even I cannot bring back the dead."
Aeris pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "Why did things have to turn out this way?" She frowned, and shook her head. "No, maybe that's selfish. The Planet's safe with Jenova and Meteor gone, and you're harmless now. Most of us survived that fight. But... I can't help feeling like it was the end of everything."
"It wasn't, not for you. You will move on in time."
"You think so? Is it just because Cloud is dead? You know, I never really thought you would, but I still wanted to believe that you'd stop when I asked you to. I kept hoping that I could say something to make you change. The Planet hoped so, too. But the Planet is naïve sometimes. I should have known not to believe it."
Sephiroth said nothing.
"Maybe it's too soon, and things will be all right. Maybe I'm just tired. But... Maybe it's deeper than that."
"Perhaps I am the problem. Once I am out of your sight, you will be able to forget me."
Aeris pulled back to lean against the headboard and really look at him again. "I'm not sure I'll be able to. I thought Reno could help, but I'm not so sure anymore. And then... there's the child."
Sephiroth seemed to come more awake at that. He lifted a hand and tentatively moved it towards her abdomen. When she made no objection, he laid it against her. "You're certain?"
"Yes. I can feel it now." She could, just barely, sense the new life taking hold inside her.
"You're pregnant... with my child." He shook his head slowly and withdrew his hand. "You still have time to change your mind. You can still get rid of it."
"I'm not going to."
"Why not?"
Aeris thought for a moment, trying to find the right words to express her reasons. "If Hojo hadn't stolen it, maybe I would have. But that made it different. You and I were brought up in laboratories, and this child would have been, too. Knowing that, I couldn't just kill it. I couldn't treat it like some abomination and dispose of it. So I thought I would raise it as best I could. It won't be normal or have a normal life, but maybe it can have a happy life."
"That won't make up for any of the wrongs done to you," Sephiroth said.
"I know. But it will still mean something."
"I suppose that's true." He hesitated and dropped his gaze. "If you wish me to live... could I see it one day? This child of ours?"
"Yes," she consented, and the immediacy of her answer seemed to surprise him. "But don't think it will be for your sake. I don't want to bring up a child who's never known its father."
He frowned and looked away. "Perhaps it would rather not know."
"Do you... know about yours then?"
"Yes."
Aeris shook her head. "That's different, though. You won't hurt my child, so it won't grow to hate you."
Sephiroth did not look or sound convinced. "I suppose it is your decision what to tell it."
She found that she had nothing to say to that. And in truth, nothing more to say to him. He knew how she felt and why she had done what she had and what she was going to do now. What else could she say? She looked away from him to study the far wall.
"Aeris," he said to get her attention.
She looked back at him, and in his outstretched palm lay the Black Materia. She drew back from it instinctively. "What are you...?"
"I don't think that I should have this anymore. Take it."
She shook her head. "I don't want it."
"I am not asking that you keep it. Give it to someone else for safekeeping, but... I should not have this anymore."
She took it slowly, grimacing in distaste. This thing, this he had used to call Meteor. This had nearly murdered the Planet. Aeris held it awkwardly in her hands, feeling tainted somehow.
"Do you still have the White Materia?" Sephiroth asked.
"Yes," she answered guardedly.
He shook his head slightly. "I am asking because I want to try fixing it."
"To make up for breaking it in the first place?" she said accusatorially.
"Most of my mistakes cannot be mended, but perhaps a small few can be. It will gain me nothing in your eyes, I know, but nevertheless I want to try."
Aeris met his gaze and at length decided that she would give it to him. Perhaps he could restore it. If not, what harm was there in giving him a thing already broken? She pulled the shards from her coat and handed them to him carefully. "Don't bother showing up just to bring it back to me. I'll see you again eventually."
He nodded, tucked the shards away, and another silence fell between them. This time, he seemed lost for words.
"Where are you going from here?" she asked.
"That is also your decision. I was only waiting here for your judgment."
"I didn't think you'd actually do as I asked," she said quietly.
"I will. There is nothing else for me to do. I cannot forget what I have done to you, and everything you have done in spite of it."
She looked away, frowning. "Don't tell me you're sorry."
"I won't. We are beyond apologies now. Even you could not possibly forgive me."
"No, I can't."
"Then what can I do?"
Aeris met his gaze, keeping her voice flat and steady. "You can rot."
He bowed his head in acknowledgment. "Then I will rot," he said indifferently. He stood smoothly and left the room.
She watched him leave, and once he had gone, she buried her head in her arms and shut her eyes. She hadn't wanted to feel anything at this moment. She had wanted to push him away without feeling like she would come to regret it. It was what he deserved. He deserved her hatred.
He was surprised to find Vincent waiting for him outside the inn. He was leaning against the wall, still wearing his tattered clothing, not seeming to mind the cold. He looked tired.
"What do you want of me?" Sephiroth asked.
"Only to talk," Vincent said, not bothering to look at him.
"What do we have to talk about?" the swordsman wondered. "I know about Hojo."
"I thought as much."
He folded his arms and waited.
"What do you know of your mother?"
"Lucrecia? Only that she was a fool to have married Hojo."
Vincent shook his head slightly. "Perhaps she was, perhaps she wasn't. Hojo was... saner, back then. The two of them shared a strong interest in Professor Gast's Jenova Project, although Lucrecia's reasons were different, I'm sure."
"And she was willing to become part of the experiment herself?"
"She said she wanted to, but I suspect Hojo persuaded her to do it. Once she agreed, she refused to turn back."
Sephiroth was silent for a moment. It reminded him too much of Aeris, stubbornly carrying a child she had only because he had forced himself on her, not because she wanted it. "Where do you fit in all of this?"
"I was the Turk assigned to Nibelheim for the duration of their stay."
"No, I mean... You were in love with her, weren't you?"
Vincent nodded. "I was."
"And she chose Hojo over you?"
"They were already engaged when I met her. She told me once that she liked him because he appreciated her for her intelligence rather than her beauty, unlike most men."
Sephiroth studied him carefully. "And you didn't?"
He shrugged. "I was a Turk."
"I see."
There was a pause.
"She was looking forward to your birth, looking forward to raising you. She had always liked children."
The swordsman frowned. "Why are you telling me this?"
"I felt you should know, and I doubt I'll have another opportunity."
"...thank you."
Vincent glanced at him for the first time, then looked back at the town. "What did Aeris say?"
"She does not want me in her life. I am not surprised."
"I have been told that living in constant regret is punishment enough for wrongs committed."
Sephiroth shook his head. "Not for me, not with what I have done." When the ex-Turk did not reply, he turned away and strode for the gate. He felt disappointed, and he realized that he had been hoping Aeris would come running after him, asking him to stay.
He had to laugh at himself. No, no one would be shouting after him now, especially not her.
The door opened, startling her. It was Reno. "Hey, 'ris, everyone's... uh... Well, everyone's meeting in the next room over. They'll wait for you if you need a minute."
She blinked at him slowly, then realized that there were tears on her cheeks. She wondered when she had begun crying. She wiped her face on the blanket and brusquely got to her feet. "I'm fine," she said.
"You sure?"
She nodded.
"Where's Sephiroth?"
"He left."
Reno frowned. "You just let him go?"
"I didn't want him with me," she answered.
He studied her carefully. "You don't think that might be dangerous?"
"He won't do anything. Maybe he beat us, but he lost to himself. He doesn't have any reason to lash out anymore. He knows he can't prove anything."
"I guess you'd know him best," he said doubtfully.
She met his gaze. "Just trust me. He won't."
They entered the other room, and Aeris faltered in the doorway. Tifa was awake, sobbing with her hands clutched together in front of her face as though trying to hide her tears. Yuffie wasn't crying, but her eyes were red as though she had been. She glanced up when the door opened, smiled briefly, and looked back down. Nanaki lay beside her with his head and paws in her lap, and Vincent sat near them, expressionless. Cid was still lying down, though now he twisted to prop himself up on an elbow.
"Reeve just told Tifa about Cloud," Reno explained quietly.
"Maybe talking should wait," Aeris said.
Tifa looked up when she heard the Cetra's voice and pressed her hands to her mouth, trying to stifle her sobs.
Aeris walked over to sit down beside her and lightly touched her shoulder. "Tifa, cry as long as you want. I can't promise you'll feel any better, but there's no point holding it in."
Tifa hesitated only an instant before throwing her arms around Aeris and sobbing into her shoulder. Aeris held her as close as she was able, painfully reminded of how many friends Tifa had lost, that she was the best one to do this now. It wasn't fair.
At length Tifa quieted and pulled away, face lowered. She hiccuped and wiped at her cheeks. "I... I'm sorry, Aeris. I just... I couldn't..."
"I know."
Tifa met her gaze briefly. "Thank you."
"So are we all ready now?" Reno asked, sitting down beside Aeris.
No one answered.
"I'll take that as a yes," the redhead muttered. He raised his voice. "The battle's over. We didn't really win, but the Planet's safe, from Meteor anyhow. Shinra's still around, more or less; I dunno how many of us are still up to fighting. Going home seems like a pretty good idea to me."
"Well, that's you," Yuffie stated. "I'm gonna keep fighting."
"Ya may be fightin' alone, kid," Cid told her.
She rolled her eyes. "Well, I didn't expect an old fart like you to stick with it."
"I ain't old!" he protested. "You don't know what the fu--"
"Cid," Aeris interrupted, "take it easy. Yuffie, be nice. I know we're all tired, but let's try not to snap at each other."
"Sorry," Yuffie mumbled.
Cid scratched his head and looked down.
"Now," the Cetra went on, "maybe some of us are going to carry on fighting the Shinra, but it's doubtful all of us will ever fight together again. Maybe this is the last time some of us will even see each other. Let's at least get some idea where we're going from here."
Yuffie spoke up first. "I already said I'm gonna keep fighting. But, I guess I'm headed home for a bit first. Will... Will anybody else be fighting?"
"I will," Vincent said quietly.
The ninja turned to him with a surprised smile. "Really?"
He nodded.
"Thanks."
Nanaki lifted his head to look up at her. "I'll join the fight as well."
She grinned and ruffled his mane. "Thanks, Red. I bet you wanna go home first, too, though, right?"
"Right."
"What about you, Vinny?"
Vincent hesitated. "May I accompany you to Wutai?"
"Of course."
"Then we will go back together."
"So, what are the rest of you doing?" Yuffie asked.
"I'm goin' home," Cid stated.
"To Shera?" the ninja prompted slyly.
He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Got a lot I have to tell her." He frowned, glancing briefly at Tifa, then away. "So, uh, Reeve, where're you goin'?"
"I don't really know," Reeve admitted. "I can't exactly go back to Shinra. I'd like to do something, but I'm no fighter."
"You can be our brains," Yuffie said brightly. "Vinny was a Turk, but all his insider info's thirty years out of date."
"You'd want my help?" he asked, sounding surprised.
"Sure!"
"Then you'll have it," he decided firmly, smiling slightly. "I'm not bad at intel, though I'm no Turk." He glanced here at Reno.
"I've got no plans of stealing your spot any time soon," the redhead assured him. "I'm stickin' with Aeris."
"Where are you two going?"
Reno looked to Aeris, but she said nothing. "We don't really know yet. I've got an apartment in Junon, but Junon's not really the safest place to be with Shinra around."
"Hojo's dead," Aeris pointed out. "They won't be interested in me anymore."
"I know. But they might be interested in tracking me down. I don't think Rufus appreciated me turning on him like that."
"Maybe they won't bother with you."
He shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. I guess we'll find out."
Aeris nodded. With Hojo gone, there was nothing about Shinra that really frightened her. She was sure they'd be all right. She couldn't say she liked Junon--it was too much like Midgar--but it wasn't quite so large and old and harsh. It still retained some of its initial optimism, and she would be able to see the sky.
All eyes slowly came to focus on Tifa. She was the only one who hadn't voiced her plans, and the one with the least to go back to.
"So where are you going, Tifa?" Nanaki asked finally, managing to voice the question without the weight of its complications.
Tifa hesitated, staring at her lap. Aeris was surprised to notice that she was still crying, a slow and silent stream of tears down her cheeks. When she spoke, it was carefully, to make sure her voice didn't crack. "I guess I'll... Well, someone has to take care of Marlene." She lifted her head to nod at Aeris. "She can't stay with your mom forever, and she knows me best. So I guess I'll take care of her."
"But where are you going?" Aeris asked quietly.
"...Mideel."
"Mideel?" Cid repeated quizzically.
"Yeah," Tifa said simply, seeming reluctant to explain.
Yuffie nodded as if she understood. "Mideel's a good place to go. It's so... untouched. I think I would've liked to grow up in a place like that."
Aeris's memories of Mideel itself were hazy, overpowered by the deep weariness she had felt during their stay there. She couldn't recall what the town had been like, but she did remember that the Planet's voice there had seemed crystal clear. She could understand why Yuffie called it untouched. It probably would be a good place to grow up, and she hoped it would be a good place for Tifa to move on.
"I guess that takes care of the gist of it," Reno said. "We've all got a PHS, we can keep in touch."
"That just leaves one thing," Reeve said quietly. "Cloud and Barret. Where should we bury them?"
"Barret... ought to be buried at North Corel," Tifa decided.
Everyone nodded in agreement, and then there was an awkward silence. Burying Cloud at his hometown was out of the question. The current Nibelheim was a replica, a lie. It wasn't the home he'd grown up with.
Reno nudged her. "Aeris, what about...?"
She started. "Oh. Right, my..." She stopped, realizing the others wouldn't know what she was talking about. "There's a church in Sector 5 that I used to visit," she said. "Would that be all right?"
"A church?" Tifa repeated, as if she had never heard of such a thing.
Aeris nodded. "It's a beautiful place, for being in Midgar. Flowers grow there, and I could hear the Planet's voice."
"It sounds fine."
"So when're we leavin'?" Cid asked.
"Tomorrow," Aeris said. "Maybe the day after. We all need another day or two to rest." When the others murmured their agreement, she got to her feet and headed for the door. Reno followed her.
"Where are you going?" he asked once they were out in the hall. He stood behind her, and she did not turn to face him.
"I don't know," she answered. "Outside. I keep thinking... that he's waiting for me at the gate, but I know he's not."
Reno's tone grew serious, much more so than she was used to hearing. "Tell me honestly now: do you love him?"
She studied the door across the hall. "Maybe. I think so. But at the same time, I do hate him. Things could have been so different, but this is how it's all turned out. I wonder sometimes, what would have happened if I had died like I was supposed to?"
"If you had died, maybe none of the rest of us would be here either."
"Hm. But, maybe he wouldn't have fought so hard to prove himself. Maybe you could have beaten him."
"Not me. I wouldn't have been with you."
Aeris finally turned to look up at him. "So you really only left Shinra for my sake?"
"It just seemed like a good excuse."
"That's what I thought." Aeris dropped her gaze from his face. "You know what I want?" she asked quietly, talking half to herself. "I want to go to sleep, but not because I'm tired. I just want to close my eyes and not be here. Or maybe go to sleep and then, when I wake up, find that all this has long passed, and I'm fine again. I don't want to be here, in this moment."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Yes. Cloud's dead. Sephiroth left. We're disbanding. I'm pregnant. What's good about now?"
"I'm still here," Reno offered. "I'm pretty sure you don't hate me or anything."
Aeris smiled tentatively. "No. No, I don't hate you at all. Quite the opposite. It's just that..."
"You don't love me."
Her smile faded. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, 'ris. It's still early in the game; you might change your mind. But you know, I know there are better guys than me. And Sephiroth's not one of 'em. I think that's what bothers me."
"It bothers me, too."