Chapter 21
There weren't many people in the streets. Maybe the mood of the city, with the red Meteor visible in the sky and the recent Weapon attacks, kept most of them inside, where they couldn't see the sky or the soldiers rushing for the harbor.
Cloud was grateful for it. He wouldn't have spotted Tifa otherwise.
She was barely two blocks from the hotel and walking unhurriedly, so he caught up with her easily and matched her pace. Her eyes flicked sideways to notice him, but she said nothing.
"Hi," he said awkwardly.
"Hello, Cloud," she replied, her tone cool and uninviting.
"Tifa, I need to talk to you."
"I'm listening."
"No, I mean... Can't we go somewhere more private?"
She glanced at him. "There's no one around. What exactly do we need to talk about that you need more privacy?"
Cloud hesitated. "We need to talk about... us."
Tifa's pace slowed to a stop, and for a long moment she just looked at him. "What kind of 'us' are you talking about? You and Aeris are--"
"We're not," he interrupted. "We're just friends."
"If you're just friends, then why were you kissing her?"
"That's..." He faltered, not sure exactly how to begin.
Tifa shook her head and spoke before he could continue. "No. Don't make up some excuse. I don't see why you need to prove anything to me anyway."
"What...?"
She was no longer looking at him, but instead somewhere over his shoulder. "If you and Aeris are together now, that's fine. If you're not, that's fine, too. Why should I care?"
"But Aeris said that you..."
"That I what?"
Cloud looked at her carefully, but she wouldn't meet his gaze. Finally he glanced off elsewhere. Was Aeris wrong? "Never mind. I just want to explain it to you, because I don't want you thinking the wrong thing. What happened was... Sephiroth did that... thing again, and that's why I was kissing Aeris. I didn't mean to, and I'm not... in love with her." Inwardly, he cursed himself for stumbling over the phrase. If he couldn't even say the word right when he was denying it, how the hell was he supposed to tell Tifa how he felt about her?
"Aeris tried to tell me that, too, that it was Sephiroth," Tifa said slowly, regarding him cautiously. "But why would he want to kiss her?"
He frowned, and couldn't meet her gaze for a moment. "It wasn't a pleasant kiss, Tifa, and apparently he's done it before. Aeris said he touched her once, but he didn't... rape her." The word was hard to say. "It was like he was mocking her."
"Oh, gods," Tifa breathed, her cool manner finally crumbling in the face of this news. "Do you think she was telling the truth?"
Cloud nodded. "I think so. She made me promise not to tell anyone."
"So that's why she couldn't explain... But aren't you breaking your promise now?"
He shook his head. "She said it was all right. She didn't want you getting the wrong idea."
"Oh."
"So... You're not mad anymore, right?"
She smiled, just a little bit. "No, I'm not mad. I'd just been thinking... my best friend would've told me, if he'd gotten together with someone."
"Yeah."
"How 'bout I make it up to you?" she suggested. "Dinner's on me."
Cloud hesitated. He almost let himself go with it, just slip back into their usual, comfortable routine. He'd cleared things up already. Did he really want to risk their friendship again by confessing a feeling he wasn't so sure she shared? When Aeris had said Tifa cared about him, he'd believed it, but now she wasn't giving away anything. Maybe she really had been upset just because neither of them had said anything to her.
Tifa's smile faltered. "Cloud?"
He didn't want to be a coward. He didn't think he was good enough for her, but that didn't matter. He realized Tifa wouldn't think that way. And, he realized, she'd always stuck with him, through everything. Even when they'd thought he might only be some failed clone, she'd said that was all right, she'd still tried to support him. Even if her feelings didn't go beyond friendship, didn't he at least owe it to her to be honest?
"There's... something else I wanted to talk to you about," he said finally.
By now she looked concerned, probably thinking it was some sort of bad news. He hoped it wasn't. "All right."
"Actually, it's just something I need to tell you."
Tifa nodded slowly.
Quit stalling! he snapped at himself. He took a breath. "I love you."
Her eyes went wide, her mouth opening even before any words came out. "You... what?"
He couldn't tell if that was a good reaction or not, and he shuffled uncomfortably, glancing down. "You heard me."
"Yes, but I want you to say it again." This time, there was something like laughter in her voice, and he felt his chest grow tight with anticipation.
"I... I love you," he repeated.
"Oh, Cloud!" Tifa exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.
Startled, it took him a moment to realize that he was supposed to return the embrace. Did this mean she...?
"Oh, Cloud, you stupid jerk, do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for that? For anything?" Her arms tightened around him.
"So you...?"
"Yes! I love you! And I'm sorry I've been so difficult about it. But I could never tell, and then I saw you and Aeris, and even now, when it really seemed like you might... I couldn't believe it, because haven't you always paid more attention to Aeris and been more worried about her and wasn't she the one you went out with that night at Gold Saucer?"
"Sorry," he apologized, all the while grinning like a fool and unable to stop himself. "You always made me nervous. I thought if I talked with you too much, I'd let it slip, and I didn't think you... Well, I mean, how could you possibly fall for someone like me? I don't deserve you."
"Of course you do, you idiot."
"Tifa," he had to ask, "are you sure this isn't a dream?"
She pinched him, hard, and he stifled a yelp. "Yes, I'm sure." She pulled back, and he could see she was grinning just as broadly, her eyes shining. Looking up at him, her expression turned almost bashful as she suggested, "Maybe now would be a good time to go somewhere more private."
Cloud stared at her, the thought overwhelming him. He'd never imagined this would ever be reality. "U-um..."
Tifa laughed, took his arm, and pulled him with her down the street before he could formulate a coherent reply.
Aeris wandered the city aimlessly, letting her feet carry her where they would while her thoughts travelled their own path. The end of all this was drawing close. They needed only to wait for Shinra to break the barrier, and then they would go back to the Northern Crater, where Sephiroth was waiting for them. They would fight him, this time, and it would be a harder battle than any they had fought. Still, Aeris felt confident they would defeat him somehow. They had to.
Because if they didn't, everything was lost. Sephiroth wouldn't kill her; he would keep her alive to see the destruction of everything she held dear. And if that happened, she would have to force herself to carry on, because if she even tried to kill herself, it would make his victory complete.
She tore her thoughts away from that dreaded possibility. No, they would defeat him. If he wouldn't kill her, she could use that to her advantage. And no matter what he did to her friends, she would fight him with all her strength.
And then, once it was all over, once Sephiroth was dead and Meteor destroyed... What then? What would she do? What would any of them do? No, that was the wrong question. Everyone but her had somewhere or someone to go back to. But she couldn't go back to Midgar, and she couldn't go running back to her mother. She hadn't had much before this journey began, really hadn't had anything since she'd lost Zack, and though her friends were wonderful people, she knew they would probably all part ways after this was over, leaving her with nothing to hold on to.
Except...
There was something for her, wasn't there? Back in the Shinra building, in Hojo's lab, a child she hadn't wanted. She couldn't let him keep it, but she did not want it. And yet, she knew she could never bring herself to kill it. It was Sephiroth's child, yes, but that was no fault of its own, and she knew that if it was brought up like a person, brought up to know love, then it would be nothing like him. And that really only left her with one option.
She had to take it back.
And she had to do it now, while Shinra still had its hands full. For that, she would have to tell someone. She couldn't do this alone.
Aeris turned on her heel and headed back for the hotel, her pace quick. She didn't know where to find Reno, but he'd come back there eventually. She wanted his help. Vincent was too detached and logical. He would tell her that now was not the time, that if she left, Cloud and the others would worry, that there would be time enough later. Reno would understand that she had to do this now.
She found the rooms empty, save for Vincent and Cait Sith standing guard over Rude.
"Oh, good," Cait Sith said when he saw her. "When Reno gets back, can you two watch him?"
"Sure," Aeris said without hesitation, though she felt confused at her good luck. What were these two going out for?
"Yuffie wants Vincent to join us," the cat explained, "but we couldn't very well leave Rude here by himself."
"Oh." She sat down on one of the beds to wait. This was working out well, but she didn't have as much time to think of how she was going to explain it as she'd thought.
Another ten minutes passed before Reno came back. Vincent left with Cait Sith almost immediately, leaving Aeris alone with the two Turks. It was funny how, a month ago, this would have been the worst possible situation for her.
Reno pulled a chair around and sat down facing Rude. "Changed your mind yet?" he asked.
Rude said nothing.
"As soon as the barrier's down, we're gonna go fight Sephiroth. We could use your help."
"And Meteor?"
Reno glanced over at her. "Aeris summoned Holy to counter it, so once we take out Sephiroth, that's it." When his friend did not reply, he sighed. "Just think about it, okay?"
Aeris let a few minutes pass before she spoke. "Reno?"
"Yeah?"
"I have a favor to ask of you."
He hesitated at the tone of her voice. "What is it?"
"I need to go back to Midgar."
"What? Why?"
"Professor Hojo has something of mine, and I want it back."
Reno regarded her carefully. "What exactly does he have?"
She looked down at her hands. Should she explain? Or should she just say it and let him put two and two together? She glanced at Rude. Did she care if he knew, this near-stranger even more inscrutable than Vincent? She clasped her hands together. "A child," she said finally. "My child."
Reno's eyes widened. "Shit," he cursed. "Sephiroth, he...? That bastard. That godsdamned bastard."
Aeris closed her eyes. "Reno, please."
"But I'm right, aren't I?"
"Yes, but..."
"You're still hoping he'll change his mind, aren't you?" he asked incredulously. "Gods, Aeris, only you. Anyone else would've damned him to hell for doing that."
She looked up at him and shook her head. "I can't hate him, Reno. I understand him too well. I just... It makes me so angry that he thinks he doesn't have a choice any longer."
"Maybe he really doesn't."
"He does," she said. "You don't know him. I tried to show him, and I know I almost got through to him, but he wouldn't let himself believe it. That's why... But I'm not wrong, and maybe he'll see that before the end."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then we'll kill him."
Reno was silent for a moment. He glanced at Rude, who sat listening silently and without expression, then returned his gaze to Aeris. "What are you going to do with the baby?"
"I want Hojo to put it back inside of me."
"Why? You can't seriously want to have Sephiroth's kid."
"I just... can't bring myself to kill it."
"But 'ris, you're going to have it because you were raped. Are you going to tell it that when it grows up?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. But I'll have time enough to think of an answer."
He frowned, clearly not liking her decision, but fully aware he couldn't talk her out of it. "Have you told anyone else?"
"Vincent knows what happened," she admitted, "but I don't think he'll help me."
"Hard to say," Reno said. "Midgar, huh? That's gonna be tough."
"I know. I don't care how you do it, just get me there. I need it back."
The redhead turned to his friend. "What do you say, Rude?"
"I'm in."
Reno grinned and crouched to unbind Rude's hands. "I knew you'd change your mind."
"Just this time, Reno."
"Yeah, I know. But this's important, so I'm glad you're on my side." The two of them stood and Reno turned to Aeris. "You're in luck, 'ris. This means Rude can get us some transportation."
She managed a smile of gratitude. "Thank you, both of you. But, what should we do about the others...?"
"Leave a note. They'll be worried either way, but you can at least try to let them know we didn't kidnap you. I bet Strife'll come anyway."
Aeris got up to rifle through the drawers of the closest night stand, producing a pad of paper and pen. "I wish I could let Vincent know what's going on. Maybe he could calm them down."
Reno didn't answer right away, but came closer, peering over her shoulder as she scribbled the note. "You trust Yuffie to keep her mouth shut?"
"What?"
"I'm pretty sure she's the only one of your friends who speaks Wutain."
It took Aeris a moment to understand. Reno had never mentioned knowing the language. "Ask her... to tell Vincent we're going to see Hojo, without letting the others know. Ask them to delay Cloud from coming after us if they can. Can you do that?"
Reno nodded and bent to write the message under hers. When he straightened, he met her gaze for an instant before striding for the door. "Let's get going. We need to be quick about this."
Aeris nodded her agreement and followed the two Turks out the door. In the hall, Rude turned the other way. "Wait on the roof. I'll pick you up."
"Right." Reno headed for the stairs, and Aeris went after, glancing over her shoulder to watch Rude leave the building.
"Can we trust him?" she asked as Reno pushed open the door to the stairwell.
"Maybe you can't tell, but he really wants to help. None of us like Hojo, and with what happened to you..."
"He pities me," she concluded.
"No, that's not it. He just figures you deserve better, and if you want the baby back, then he'll help you get it."
"And what do you think?"
"Me?" He sounded surprised, as if she should have guessed already. "'ris, you're being way too soft on Sephiroth. I can't wait till we fight him. He's gonna suffer."
"Let me talk to him first. I know you don't think he can be persuaded, but I have to try."
"I don't understand how you can, after all he's done."
"You're no saint yourself, Reno," she reminded him.
"At least I've never raped anyone," he replied. "There are some lines even I won't cross."
"That's true," she said quietly.
He glanced back at her. "...you really fell for him, didn't you, Aeris?"
She shook her head. "No, I don't love him. Maybe if the circumstances had been different... But I do care about him, and I hate myself for that. I shouldn't give a damn about him."
Reno offered her a smile, slight but more genuine than most she'd seen from him. "Don't hate yourself for that, 'ris. Compassion's a virtue, right?"
"But Sephiroth doesn't deserve it."
"Hey, neither do I."
Her expression softened. "Don't be silly, Reno. You're on our side now."
In contrast, he sobered again and looked ahead. "So if Sephiroth really did decide to give up his quest for godhood, would you forgive him for everything? Would he deserve it then?"
"That's a good question," Aeris murmured. "I don't really know. It's what I'm hoping for, but if he does change his mind before it's too late, if he does let himself care, I don't know what I'd do."