Chapter 9
They had been climbing for what felt like days, or at least long enough for Yuffie to have completely lost track of time; she knew she should've bought a watch back in Snow Village. Farther down, a few winding caverns had given her arms some rest, but the infestation of bats, dragons, and vengeful icicles hadn't done anything for her overall exhaustion.
Normally Yuffie enjoyed climbing. Normally. But these were not what she called normal conditions. A steady, bone-chilling wind blew sideways across the cliff face, making her sure her numb fingers would lose their grip in a matter of seconds and she'd be sent blowing off into a white expanse of nowhere. Moreover, the rock presented a steady vertical climb, sometimes even overhanging or iced over.
It was no surprise she could scarcely feel for good handholds anymore. Her limbs, or what she could feel of them, felt like noodles. If she stopped moving them, they'd just flop down uselessly and refuse to support her any longer. She really, really hoped they reached the top soon. With all the snow and her poor perspective, looking up didn't do anything except blind her.
She wasn't even sure how her companions were doing. She assumed they were somewhere below her--that's where they'd been when they'd left the last cave some eons ago. Nanaki might have passed her; with all the snow in the air, she wouldn't have been able to see him if he had.
Trying to take her mind off the possibility of falling to her death from this close to the top, Yuffie amused herself envisioning her companions falling to their deaths. Cloud was first up, but she quickly grew bored of imagining Tifa's grief and later realization that Cloud was an idiot and she never should've liked the guy so much. She brought Cid to mind, trying to put together the string of curses that would follow him all the way down. Even his tombstone would probably read "@%@#&*!"--if they censored tombstones, that was. She figured it probably wasn't an issue that came up often.
Finally the winds began to die down, and the cliff's incline grew gentler, smoothing out into something walkable. Yuffie climbed the last stretch eagerly, reassuring her tired legs that it was just a little farther. On reaching the crest, they folded under her and she sat for a while staring blissfully at nothing.
It took her a moment to realize that something large and warm and red had settled at her side. In another moment, she recognized this furry thing as Nanaki. After yet a third moment, she finally managed a "Hey."
"Hey yourself," he replied gruffly, though the gruffness sounded like fatigue rather than annoyance.
"Cloud better let us rest here," Yuffie muttered.
"Somehow I doubt he will," Nanaki said dryly. "I think we should just hope he is far, far below us and that we have a while here before he catches up."
She nodded. "Yeah. Cloud's pretty set on finding her. Like a machine or something."
"He was in SOLDIER; that probably has something to do with it."
"Probably. But he keeps forgetting the rest of us are only human. Er... I mean..."
Nanaki glanced up at her, baring his teeth in what he must have meant to be a grin. "I know what you mean."
Once he'd turned away again, Yuffie eyed him suspiciously. He was being oddly friendly and agreeable for once, rather than acting all I'm-ignoring-you-because-I'm-smart-and-you're-not. Actually, he'd been acting pretty nice since they'd left Snow Village. She wondered why.
As she didn't like leaving questions unanswered, and he was sitting right there, she asked, "Why're you being so nice to me all of a sudden?"
He looked back at her, blinking. "Really, Yuffie, I could ask the same of you."
"Huh?"
"When we were crossing the snow fields, you were irritable and made it obvious that you were cooperating grudgingly. Since we left Snow Village, however, you've hardly complained at all, and have actually proved quite helpful."
Yuffie stared at him for a long moment. "Huh. I dunno, I guess it's colder here, and... Everybody just seems really tired. We're all kinda in the same boat with hating Cloud and, well, wanting to catch up."
"Fair enough."
"So what's your excuse?" she asked.
"I kept my distance because you did not seem to like me much," Nanaki explained simply. If he'd been human, he'd probably have shrugged.
She grinned sheepishly. "I kinda didn't. But I felt that way about a lot o' you guys after Wutai, y'know. And it was--what's the word?--mutual. But no hard feelings now, right?"
"Your theft did not bother me so much then, and not at all now, I assure you."
"Cloud sure made a big deal out of it..."
"Cloud can make a big deal out of anything; he is strung tight, I believe you would say."
"Yeah." Yuffie hesitated. "So--"
"Finally made it!" Tifa exclaimed breathlessly as she collapsed on the ridge not far from them, interrupting the ninja. She caught her breath, and then looked over at the pair. "You guys been waiting long?"
"Not long enough," Yuffie sighed.
The brunette eyed her oddly, and Nanaki explained: "The farther ahead of Cloud we are, the longer we can rest. But I suppose he's not far behind you?"
She shook her head. "No, I don't think so."
Sure enough, the familiar spiky blond head appeared over the edge of the cliff, and Cloud joined them a moment later, panting. For a few minutes, Yuffie entertained the fantasy that he was tired enough to call for a rest--even an hour would be nice--but it was soon dispelled when the blond got to his feet and adjusted the sword on his back.
He looked around at everyone, then started for the crater with a pace that said 'let's get moving.' (Or maybe just 'let's mosey.')
They all came to a dead halt, however, when the broad expanse of the crater came into view. Yuffie gaped openly.
"Gods..." Tifa breathed.
"Will... will Meteor do this?" the ninja asked, staring at the deep wound and the green winds that reminded her of a cure spell. They seemed useless here.
Nanaki answered, with a slight shake of his head, "Meteor may do worse."
Cloud moved on first, and with great difficulty and low spirits, they continued down into the crater.
It felt strange to walk without the sound of hurried footsteps behind him, or the burden of a woman in his arms, or the annoyance of her incessant questions. It felt strange to be without her, even though they had only been travelling together for three days. If he hadn't known better, he might have thought he missed her.
But no; it was almost a liberating sort of strangeness, only 'liberating' was far too strong a word. He'd since stripped himself of the capacity for emotions so strong. Regardless, it was about time he left her behind to continue on alone.
Are you satisfied now?
Relatively alone, he corrected himself. Thanks to Jenova, he was never completely alone anymore. Yes and no, he replied.
No? Haven't you done what you wanted?
It will take more than that to finish her off.
I think you overestimate her. A slight nudge is all it will take now to crush her. Besides, Jenova went on almost pleasantly, she may freeze to death, considering the state you left her in.
Somewhere inside of him that same unease awoke as had driven him across the Great Glacier in search of shelter. He kept moving forward. She won't.
So certain? What if she simply lies there without the will to move? She'll die then. I am sure her friends will appreciate your gesture.
Sephiroth scoffed. Aeris may be foolish, but she is no weakling. She will manage to survive.
And if she doesn't?
Then she is not worth my time.
You won't mourn her death? Jenova sneered.
When have I ever mourned, Mother?
Never, while I have known you. But neither have you shown any particular attraction to anyone. You seem to like this Cetra girl, though I suppose it is somewhat admirable that you choose to hurt her rather than love her openly.
Love her? he asked incredulously. Now that is a gross exaggeration. At times she intrigues me rather than annoys me, but that is far from love.
Yes, that's right. You're beyond love, aren't you? Her words were mocking, and he scowled.
No one ever taught me how to love, Mother. Besides, it is a human thing, and it would be a waste of my time.
Indeed.
You don't believe me, Sephiroth stated.
I know when you're lying as well as you do, if not better, she replied. But I can't blame you for pretending. No matter how hard you try to ignore it, part of you is human, and that part is susceptible to certain human weaknesses, like emotion. Nevertheless, you haven't let it get in our way yet.
Then why do you insist on bringing it up?
If a grin could be implied through thought, then Jenova was grinning. There is nothing wrong with a little idle conversation, is there?
You're in a good mood, he concluded flatly.
The Cetra girl may die, you will soon summon Meteor, and we won't have to deal with the puppet much longer. Of course I am.
Sephiroth muttered a curse under his breath and pressed on through the first of the wind barriers the Planet had erected around its wound. He could feel the energy around him rising the closer he got to the center. It wasn't much farther, and not much longer that he would have to tolerate this alliance, this game, and those last shreds of emotion that continued to plague him.
She sat down wearily on the cold, rocky ground, ignoring the way it scraped her bare skin. She had gathered what little she had and begun working her way back out of the crater. After this point, however, there was no definite path, and she might lower her chances of running into Cloud if she went much farther.
Besides, she was tired. She didn't know how long she'd been walking, though it felt like hours. Raised in Midgar, she couldn't tell time by the sun and the moon. All she knew was that night still reigned.
Aeris carefully set down her assets. The shredded remains of Holzoff's clothing. Hugging those to her had at least warded off some of the cold. Then there were the fragments of the White Materia, which had served little purpose than to make tiny cuts in her palm. Lastly, there was the knife, which he had left her. That, at least, was still whole.
Cloud and the others were still a long ways behind her. At best, they might reach her after daybreak. She had to keep warm until then, keep herself alive and awake. She'd been shivering violently for some time now, not quite so badly as in the Great Glacier, but she had no one now to save her. Not like then.
She shoved all thoughts of Sephiroth and what he had done out of her mind before she could sink to berating herself again. That was the only way to get through this. To let her mind be as numb as her body.
With a little effort, she could pretend that all of this was just a nightmare. She would wake from it before it became unbearable. But until then, she still had to try. Wasn't that how nightmares went?
"P-planet?" Aeris queried aloud.
Yes? it responded hesitantly.
"Is th-there anything you can do to h-help me?"
I can help you with a fire, perhaps keep it alive longer, but... Cannot heal your wounds. Don't understand them.
She bit her lip and tried not to summon the details of those wounds. "I d-don't expect you to," she managed.
Tried to warn you...
"You did," she agreed quietly.
Do you still want 'to keep on living no matter what'? Do you still believe life is precious?
"I do... If I... If I give up n-now, then he's w-won. I c-can't l-let him w-w-win." A violent shiver ran through her, punctuated by a sneeze. "H-how about that f-fire?" she asked hopefully.
You have to work a little for that, it told her, as though gently reminding a child.
"How?"
Ifalna did not teach you?
"N-no."
It is like your healing spells, but fire. Call up the element.
Aeris took a moment to think about it. Gods, she was cold. "I... I'm n-not sure I understand, b-but I'll t-try."
All right.
She stripped herself of her ragged shirt, set it down before her, and focused, like she did with her healing spells. The special ones that didn't come from materia. She had never really understood them, but she had never tried asking her mother. Probably she should have, but until these past few weeks she'd scarcely even used them.
She concentrated on the little heap of rags and thought of fire. Somehow she could feel the spell coming together more easily here. Was it because of her close proximity to the Lifestream? The same reason she could hear the Planet more clearly...
Hadn't Sephiroth told Cloud that the Ancients called up their magic from the Planet?
The scraps of cloth burst into flame.
Gods, she knew so little about herself.
Yes, like that, the Planet said, sending a complex mix of emotions. Relief and pride and still worry and pain and--
Sephiroth. Sephiroth had told Cloud...
No! she told herself. It didn't happen. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it...
Aeris? the Planet queried anxiously.
She focused on its voice, focused on everything she heard from it, even its screams. For that moment, it overwhelmed her, its pain swarming over her senses so that she doubled over where she crouched, numb to thought. She drew back from that pain just enough so that it was bearable, but still it occupied her mind more strongly than she normally allowed it. Better to listen to the Planet's pain than her own.
"I...I'm all right," she said finally. She scooted a little closer to the small fire, curling up with her knees against her chest and her arms about them. "S-so that's how this w-works, is it? Thanks for the f-fire."
Sure you're okay?
"Yes." She paused. Focus on staying alive. It's just a nightmare. What happened before now isn't relevant anymore. "How l-long will the fire k-keep going?" she asked.
Not certain. Will try to feed the spell as much as I can. I am afraid I don't have much energy to spare.
Aeris could feel the Lifestream whirling about the Planet's wound behind her, another constant reminder of its suffering. It dwarfed her own. "I know... Any help at all is m-much appreciated. I'll make it s-somehow."
What will you tell your friends?
"Tell them...?" she wondered, and it took her a moment to realize that whatever had happened or hadn't happened, they would ask her, out of a concern that she would rather not have right now. "I... I won't t-tell them. They won't know."
...another lie?
"I'll tell them anything they want to know, but n-not this. They won't know. I don't w-want them to know."
Then how will you explain?
"I... I'll burn all the clothes. N-no evidence there. And..." She finally recalled her bruises, and paused to heal them. "And then I'll j-just tell them what was true before we g-got to Holzoff's house."
Not sure you should keep this from them.
"Please, Planet," Aeris begged. "I don't want sympathy from them. It... it would hurt. It would be a constant reminder. And it already... it already hurts enough. So please. Let's not talk about it."
...all right.
They both fell silent after that. She could think of nothing else to say, and apparently the Planet shared her inability to talk of light-hearted subjects.
She gathered the pieces of the White Materia again in her hand and clasped them tightly. A broken talisman, but maybe the pain from its jagged edges digging into her palm would keep her awake. She focused on that pain and the Planet's pain and keeping the fire fed, and did everything she could to keep from thinking of Sephiroth. And to keep her gaze from falling on the knife; perhaps she shouldn't have kept it.
"...getting close..."
Aeris blinked, her vision coming into focus on the rocky ground before her. Voices... She heard voices. Familiar voices. Had Cloud and the others caught up? Were they just around the bend?
She couldn't recall blacking out, but it must have been some time ago. The fire had since run out of fuel and gone out, and she was so frozen she couldn't feel her limbs enough to move them. She could no longer feel the White Materia cutting into her palm, and maybe she had even dropped it somewhere. But it must have done her some good, if her friends were nearby.
"Oh, gods!"
She struggled to recognize the voice. Yuffie...?
"Guys, come quick!"
Aeris finally lifted her eyes as the ninja knelt down in front of her.
"Aeris, Aeris, are you okay? What happened? What did he...? Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods..."
"Y-yuffie..." she said, her own voice sounding small and distant. "I'm all right... Just tired. And c-cold."
"Aeris!" Cloud hurried to her side, and Tifa was not far behind.
Yuffie had set her pack down, and she was pulling out a blanket, wrapping it around Aeris as Cloud helped her to sit up.
The Cetra avoided their concerned gazes and wordless questions, clumsily tugging the blanket close around her, almost ashamed to have their help but grateful anyway as they forced warmth back into her skin. But gods, he had been warmer.
She forced the thought out of her mind before it could take root.
Nanaki bumped against her and settled down close beside her, worry in his one eye. Hardly any words were spoken until they'd all made certain that feeling was returning to her limbs and she'd be all right. Then there came a sort of hush, and all four sat looking at her uncertainly, no one wanting to be the first to press what they'd already realized might be a difficult question.
Finally Tifa spoke, voice quiet, though not overly gentle, for which she was grateful. "Aeris, what happened?"
"I'm all right," she replied, her voice more steady this time, though her teeth still chattered some. "He only... Sephiroth only m-made me take off my clothes so that... I would s-suffer more on the journey here. And I have, but I'm still alive. What else m-matters?"
"He didn't...?" Cloud winced at having started the question and quickly cut himself off.
Aeris lifted her gaze to meet his blue eyes, finding them full of concern. "No, he didn't rape me," she said. The lie came out easily. "He's n-not cruel enough for that."
The Sephiroth I thought I knew wouldn't rape me. I thought, deep down, there was still too much good left in him. I was wrong.
She lowered her gaze, drawing the blanket closer around her and unintentionally tightening her grip around the White Materia. No, she thought. No, I couldn't have it all wrong. He hasn't killed off that part of him yet. But he's trying, isn't he? Just so he can't feel it anymore.
It's not such a bad idea, is it?
"...Aeris?"
"R-really, I'm fine," she insisted, not sure if they'd asked her something in the interval, or just fallen silent, uncomfortable with her answer even if she'd denied their worst fears. She forced a smile onto her face even as she tried to shove the memory back out of her mind. "Anyway, it's good to see friendly faces again."
Tifa tentatively returned the smile. "I'll bet it is. Let's see... Yuffie and I should have some clothes you can wear." She shrugged out of her pack as she spoke, gaze dropping from Aeris's.
"Thanks," Aeris murmured.
Yuffie had already started rummaging around in her own pack, but she stopped suddenly and turned to Cloud. "You, shoo. You've seen enough already."
He gave a start, and then blushed, as though realizing for the first time. Clearing his throat, he hurriedly got up to wait around a corner. Nanaki shook his head and followed, likely more because of Yuffie's disapproving gaze than from any need he felt to do so.
Aeris wished she could have found humor in Cloud's expression. Before, maybe, she would have. She gratefully accepted what clothing Tifa and Yuffie could offer her, waving off their apologies that it did not fit properly. Tifa had even bought her a coat at Snow Village, just in case. She could have cried for their kindness, but she just felt empty.
Finally, wearing mismatched garments and Tifa's old sneakers without any socks, Aeris got to her feet, and Tifa called the two males back.
"So... did you want to rest a while?" Cloud asked uncertainly.
Aeris shook her head as she shrugged into the coat. "I can last a bit longer if you want to keep going."
"Should you keep going?" Tifa wondered.
"What do you mean?"
"Well... You're not... Don't you need time to recover, from whatever Sephiroth did to you? Should you really be going any farther in the state you're in? You don't even have a means to fight anymore..."
"No," Aeris said before she could find any more reasons, "I can fight." She took a few steps and knelt to retrieve the knife. She had hurt him with this knife, however slightly. That was, perhaps, her only consolation at the moment. "This is a weapon, isn't it? And I've still got magic. There's no way you're leaving me behind."
The others exchanged glances.
"What've you got in your other hand?" Yuffie asked suddenly.
For a moment she had no idea what the ninja was talking about. She lifted her hand and remembered then that she had the White Materia. "I..."
No need to lie about this, the Planet interjected.
Aeris nodded slightly, and opened her palm to let them see. At first they only looked confused, and Tifa exclaimed over the rather bad cuts in her hand which she had just begun to feel again.
But Yuffie, of course, recognized the fragments for what they were. "Hey... is that...?" Her eyes widened. "Holy shit, he didn't break that, did he?"
"Yuffie, watch your language," Tifa said automatically.
"But--"
"He did," Aeris answered quietly. And it's all he's broken. I'm not broken yet. She shouldn't have had to remind herself of this.
"What are you talking about?" Cloud asked, bewildered.
"I would like to know as well," Nanaki said flatly, unable to see what she held from his vantage point.
"The White Materia."
The feline's one eye widened in surprise. "Sephiroth knows how to destroy materia?"
She nodded dumbly.
"No wonder you're not smiling," Cloud said sadly. "That was your mom's, right? And it summoned something to stop Meteor?"
The Cetra blinked. How had he known that? "Yes... I summoned Holy with it... But now..."
They all fell silent.
"Let me get you some gloves..." Tifa said, rummaging in her pack once more.
"Where are the others anyway?" Aeris wondered.
"We split up at the base of the cliffs, since we can climb faster than the others," Tifa explained, looking up and handing her a pair of work gloves. "We wanted to find you as quickly as possible."
She managed a smile, scarcely. "Thank you..." She was relieved to find that she meant it, a little. It was hard to feel anything.
A short pause.
"...are you all ready to go?" Cloud asked, still hesitant about Aeris going on.
"Yes," Aeris replied quietly. "Let's go."
They started back down the path into the crater, Aeris content to stay at the rear, though she was surprised the others let her. She tucked the knife away, carefully put the pieces of the White Materia into one pocket of her coat, and pulled on the gloves.
Finally Yuffie dropped back to join her. "He shouldn't have cut your hair," she said quietly.
"I don't mind so much."
"It was pretty, though."
"Was it?"
The ninja regarded her uncertainly. "I don't know what else he did to you, but get better soon, okay?" And then she was gone, back to the front of the group.
Aeris stared after her.
...how?